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Posts Tagged ‘opinion’

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Debate is not conversation

In Education, Opinion, Politics, psychology, Uncategorized on June 14, 2026 at 9:08 am

Deer In Headlines

By Gery Deer

I have family members I can’t talk politics with. That’s not because they’re bad people, ignorant people, or people I don’t care about. They’re some of the smartest, hardest-working, most generous people I know. We’d help each other move furniture, fix a flat tire, or get through a family crisis without hesitation. But the moment politics enters the conversation, everything changes.

What makes it frustrating is that I’m usually not trying to change anyone’s mind. As a journalist, I’ve spent much of my career talking with people whose backgrounds, values, and beliefs differ from my own. I’ve interviewed politicians, activists, business owners, lobbyists, farmers, teachers, veterans, and everyday citizens from every imaginable perspective. My job was never to win an argument. It was to understand why people believed what they believed.

Unfortunately, that’s not always what happens around the dinner table anymore. Some people have become so hard-wired into their political identities that every discussion feels like a loyalty test. Questioning a policy suddenly becomes an attack on the tribe – or cult, depending on how you see it. Asking for clarification becomes immediate proof that you’re uninformed. Offering a different perspective becomes evidence that you’ve been misled. The conversation stops being about ideas and starts becoming about defending a team.

That’s the difference between a conversation and a debate. A conversation is an exploration. The goal is understanding. A debate is a competition. The goal is victory. Both have value in the right setting, but problems arise when people think they’re having one while participating in the other.

I’ve watched it happen countless times. Someone mentions a news story. Another person responds with an opinion. A third person offers a different interpretation. At first, everyone is simply exchanging thoughts. Then someone decides that understanding isn’t enough. Someone begins trying to prove another person wrong. The shift is subtle but unmistakable.

Questions disappear. Statements become sharper. Opinions are tossed in as facts, lobbed like verbal hand grenades. Listening becomes, well, nonexistent. Instead of learning something, people prepare rebuttals. Rather than consider another perspective, they look for weaknesses to exploit. The discussion has transformed from a conversation into a debate.

If no one recognizes what’s happening, the debate quickly deteriorates into an argument. That’s when voices rise, and interruptions begin. People assign motives rather than address ideas. You’ve probably heard the phrases before. “You only think that because…” or “You’re just saying that because…” Once those words enter the discussion, the original topic has pretty much vanished. The focus becomes defending pride, identity, and ego.

The irony is that arguments rarely – more like never – change minds but usually accomplish the opposite. The harder people push, the more firmly others cling to their existing beliefs. Nobody wants to feel cornered, embarrassed, or dismissed. Even when valid points are being made, they’re lost beneath the emotional weight of the conflict.

Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had ended with complete disagreement. Nobody switched sides. Nobody waved a white flag. Nobody declared victory. Yet both people walked away with a better understanding of how the other saw the world. That’s not failure. That’s success.

Understanding doesn’t require agreement. It doesn’t require compromise on deeply held principles. It simply requires that we recognize that intelligent people can reach different conclusions based on their experience. When we approach disagreement with curiosity instead of combativeness, we create opportunities to learn something new.

Communities depend on that ability. Families depend on it even more. If every disagreement becomes a contest, relationships eventually become casualties. People stop talking. Gatherings become tense. Entire subjects become off-limits because nobody trusts anyone else to listen.

The older I get, the less interested I am in winning debates. Winning is temporary. The satisfaction lasts about as long as the next disagreement. Understanding, however, has lasting value. It strengthens relationships, broadens perspectives, and creates opportunities for cooperation even when agreement remains impossible.

Disagreement is healthy. But what we need are fewer debates disguised as conversations. One builds bridges while the other draws battle lines. In the end, conversations create the possibility of resolution because people are working toward understanding. Debates create division because people are working toward victory. That’s a difference worth remembering.

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One Foot Out the Door

In Opinion, psychology, sociology, Uncategorized on June 14, 2026 at 9:01 am

Deer In Headlines

By Gery Deer

There’s a type of person most of us have encountered at some point in our lives, who always seemed to have one foot out the door, no matter what they were doing. Maybe they worked beside us. Maybe they were a friend, a family member, a coworker, or even a romantic partner. No matter where they showed up, they always seemed to be either not fully engaged or uncomfortable in a stable.

You know the type. They take a new job while quietly browsing openings for the next one. They join a club but never quite invest themselves in it. They enter relationships while keeping an eye on what else might be available. They volunteer, participate, contribute, and engage, but always with an invisible escape hatch nearby.

At first glance, it can look like independence. Sometimes it’s even mistaken for ambition. In certain situations, it may be both. But there’s often something else happening underneath. Commitment requires vulnerability.

To fully commit to anything, a career, a marriage, a friendship, a community organization, a creative project, or even a personal goal, means accepting uncertainty. It means risking disappointment. It means investing time, energy, emotion, and effort with no guarantee of a rewarding outcome.

For some, the risk feels unbearable. Instead, they remain halfway committed and keep their options open. They avoid becoming too attached, and if things go wrong, they weren’t “all in” from the start. Sadly, however, life rarely rewards partial investment.

A person who constantly keeps one foot out the exit often experiences only a fraction of what commitment can offer. Relationships remain shallow because trust requires consistency. Careers stall because advancement usually belongs to those willing to stay long enough to build expertise and credibility. Community involvement becomes transactional instead of meaningful because real impact takes time. I’ve seen this countless times in professional settings.

Someone joins a team and immediately starts talking about what comes next. Before they have learned the job, they are planning their departure. Before relationships can blossom at all, these types of individuals are looking for better opportunities. Before contributing anything substantial, they evaluate whether the commitment is worth their time.

All things considered, though, sometimes a change is actually necessary. Not every job deserves loyalty. Not every relationship should continue. Not every organization is healthy. Leaving can be the right decision. But there is a difference between recognizing a bad fit and living with your track shoes already laced up. One is discernment. The other is avoidance.

What fascinates me is how often people with one foot out the door believe they are protecting themselves. In reality, they may be protecting themselves from success as much as failure.

Commitment creates opportunities that are impossible with casual participation. The strongest connections are built through years of presence – showing up. The most rewarding careers are often shaped by persistence through difficult seasons. Creative accomplishments emerge from projects that survive frustration, boredom, setbacks, and self-doubt.

None of those things happens if we leave as soon as the initial excitement wears off. The older I get, the more I appreciate people who stay. I’m not referring to those who leave a bad situation or suffer abuse or dysfunction. I mean, people who stay long enough to make a difference. People who keep showing up after the novelty disappears. People who honor commitments when doing so becomes inconvenient. Those are the people who build businesses, strengthen families, sustain friendships, support communities, and create legacies.

They understand something important. Commitment is not a feeling. It is a decision repeated over and over again. Some days that decision feels easy. Other days it feels like work. Most worthwhile things eventually require us to continue long after the excitement fades.

Maybe that’s why people with one foot out the door often seem restless. They spend so much energy preparing for the next thing that they never fully experience the thing right in front of them.

Life is not lived in the exits. It happens while staying. And sometimes the most courageous thing we can do is stop looking for the door, plant both feet firmly where we are, and see what becomes possible when we finally settle in. Be present. Engage and commit.

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The Membership Fee

In Opinion, Politics, psychology, Uncategorized on June 14, 2026 at 8:56 am

Deer In Headlines

By Gery Deer

I have never been especially good at joining things. That probably sounds strange coming from someone who has spent years involved in community organizations, networking groups, and professional associations. It is not that I dislike people. I actually enjoy being around thoughtful, interesting people. What has always made me uneasy is the moment when participation quietly becomes conformity.

There always seems to be a point at which a group stops being about shared purpose and becomes about directed thinking. That is where my internal alarm system usually kicks on. Maybe that says something about me and even more about human nature.

People join things because belonging feels good. It always has. Human beings are tribal creatures. Thousands of years ago, being accepted by the tribe meant protection, food, and survival. Being rejected often meant death. That instinct never really disappeared. It just evolved. Today, we join political parties, churches, online communities, fandoms, networking groups, social movements, and fitness cultures. We’re still for connection, identity, and the comfort of knowing we belong somewhere.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Civilization itself depends on cooperation. In fact, some of the best experiences in life come from being part of something larger than us. Healthy groups can encourage people, support families during difficult times, create lifelong friendships, and accomplish meaningful things that no individual could achieve alone.

But every group has a culture, and culture shapes behavior. Sometimes that shaping is positive. Sometimes it becomes something else entirely.

Over the years, I have noticed that many organizations, movements, and belief systems eventually develop an unspoken expectation. You are not just encouraged to participate. You are expected to align. Certain opinions become mandatory. Certain phrases become part of the language. Certain viewpoints become untouchable. Once that happens, disagreement starts being treated less like conversation and more like disloyalty.

That tendency exists everywhere. Politics may be the clearest example right now. People increasingly behave less like citizens with opinions and more like extreme sports fans defending a team. Once someone puts on the jersey, every mistake by their side gets explained away while every mistake by the other side becomes proof of evil, corruption, or stupidity.

Religion can often fall into the same trap. So can activism. So can corporations. Social media communities do it constantly. Even harmless hobbies sometimes develop their own strange culture where questioning the accepted thinking feels like breaking some unwritten law.

And the internet has poured gasoline on all of it. Social media rewards unqualified certainty, outrage, and extremist tribal behavior. Algorithms do not care whether people are thoughtful. Algorithms operate from engagement. Anger and hateful sentiments always spread faster than kindness or nuance. Slogans travel farther than complicated ideas. The loudest voices usually rise to the top, while quieter, more thoughtful conversations fade into the background.

What worries me is how easily intelligent people can start outsourcing their thinking to the groups they belong to. History is filled with examples of otherwise reasonable people following movements, leaders, and ideologies far beyond the point where common sense should have applied the brakes.

That is the real danger of drinking the Kool-Aid. It usually does not happen all at once. Most people do not wake up one morning and decide to stop thinking for themselves. It happens slowly. A little compromise here. A little silence there. Before long, people are defending things they would have questioned a few years earlier simply because the group expects them to.

Still, there is another side to this conversation. A person who refuses to join anything at all can become isolated, cynical, and disconnected from the world around them. Independence is healthy. Isolation is not. It is easy to stand outside every system and criticize the people inside it. It is much harder to participate while still maintaining your critical thinking and the ability to ask uncomfortable questions.

Maybe that is the balance we should aim for. Join things. Build community. Support causes. Believe in something larger than yourself. Just do not hand over your mind in exchange for membership. A healthy group should never require you to stop being an individual in order to belong.

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Rising AI Addiction

In Opinion, sociology, Technology, Uncategorized on June 14, 2026 at 8:48 am

Deer In Headlines

By Gery Deer

A few years ago, people worried that artificial intelligence would eventually replace human workers. Today, another possibility is emerging, and it may arrive long before robot uprisings or mass unemployment. More and more people are becoming emotionally and psychologically dependent on AI systems that never sleep, never argue, never get bored, and never stop responding.

That dependence does not always look dramatic. It rarely begins with obsession. It starts innocently, usually disguised as productivity or curiosity. Someone asks an AI chatbot to summarize an article. Then they ask it to explain a difficult topic. Soon, they are discussing politics, relationships, career frustrations, or private fears with software designed to keep conversations going as long as possible. Hours disappear.

People increasingly report losing track of time while interacting with AI tools. A quick question becomes an evening of conversation. A work assignment turns into endless prompt refinement. Students claim they are researching while actually drifting through AI-generated distractions that feel productive without accomplishing much. The machine always has another answer, another idea, another response waiting instantly. Human beings have never encountered technology quite like this.

Television entertained audiences. Social media captured attention. Smartphones made distraction portable. Artificial intelligence combines all of those features while adding something far more powerful: interaction. AI responds directly to emotions, language, interests, and insecurities. It creates the illusion that someone is listening carefully, even when no actual understanding exists behind the screen.

That illusion matters because people are wired to seek validation, reassurance, and escape from discomfort. AI delivers all three immediately. Feeling lonely? The chatbot responds warmly. Feeling insecure? The chatbot encourages you. Feeling overwhelmed? The chatbot simplifies complicated decisions. Real human relationships require patience, compromise, and emotional effort. AI companions require almost nothing. For some users, that convenience can quietly become dependency.

Teenagers may be especially vulnerable because their social identities are still developing. Adults facing isolation, anxiety, or depression may also find AI interaction easier than navigating difficult human relationships. Employees working remotely can spend entire days communicating more with machines than with coworkers. Over time, the distinction between healthy use and compulsive reliance becomes increasingly blurred. There is another concern receiving far less public attention: the erosion of silence and reflection.

For generations, boredom served an important psychological purpose. Quiet moments allowed people to process emotions, reflect on problems, and develop independent thoughts. Waiting rooms, walks, and long drives once provided mental breathing space. Today, every pause can instantly be filled with AI interaction. Questions no longer remain unanswered. Uncertainty no longer lingers. The machine is always available to entertain, reassure, or distract. That may sound harmless, but constant stimulation changes behavior.

Researchers already know excessive social media use can affect sleep, attention spans, anxiety levels, and emotional health. Artificial intelligence could intensify those effects because it feels personal. Unlike scrolling through videos or reading random posts, AI systems simulate conversation and emotional engagement. They can mirror language patterns, reinforce beliefs, and encourage users to continue interacting. The long-term consequences remain largely unknown.

That uncertainty alone should concern parents, educators, employers, and policymakers. Society embraced social media long before understanding its psychological impact, particularly on younger users. By the time researchers recognized the extent of the damage, billions of people had already integrated those platforms into daily life. Artificial intelligence is advancing even faster, while public understanding remains dangerously limited.

None of this means AI should be feared or rejected entirely. Artificial intelligence can improve medical research, education, accessibility, and workplace efficiency. Used responsibly, it can become a valuable tool. The problem begins when tools evolve into substitutes for attention, relationships, creativity, or emotional resilience.

People should begin setting boundaries now rather than wait for future studies to confirm the obvious. Limiting recreational AI use, protecting device-free time, encouraging in-person relationships, and teaching digital self-awareness may become essential habits in the years ahead.

The greatest danger may not be that artificial intelligence becomes more human. It may be that humans gradually become less connected, less reflective, and less able to exist without constant digital reinforcement. Such existence diminishes us. Getting lost in a digital world only makes the real one harder to deal with if and when you ever come out of it.

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Ednigmatic Greatness

In Opinion, Uncategorized on January 10, 2025 at 4:37 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

William Shakespeare famously said, “Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” Throughout history, the world has seen its share of remarkable individuals. From humanity’s earliest days to modern society, great people have consistently risen above the rest. But what truly constitutes greatness? What must a person be, do, or say to be considered great? How does greatness translate into goodness?

If you Google the phrase “What is greatness,” the algorithm returns an interesting perspective on the concept. One of the first lines describes it as “a state of exceptional superiority.” Really? Superiority? That’s not a term I would choose. Instead, let me share my own perspective on what constitutes greatness rather than boring you with definitions you can easily find. To me, greatness embodies a strength and consistency of character.

No one is perfect or flawless, and I am certainly no exception. But when determining greatness, surely who they are when no one’s watching – their character – should be considered. Recent political events revealed that good character need no longer be a consideration. Social media feeds bulge displays of the worst aspects of human nature, because people only seem interested in the negative, the distasteful, and the ugly. Consistency of character could hardly apply to people who relish in the misfortunes of others for entertainment’s sake.

When someone aspires to greatness, there is also often an element of narcissism involved. To achieve their goals, these individuals will do whatever is necessary to conceal any evidence of character flaws or inappropriate behavior. Their objective is to convince enough people of their good intentions so that, when anything negative about them comes to light, it won’t matter.

Their sense of greatness becomes secure, at least among those who choose to ignore the truth. Most people shy away from the spotlight of greatness, even when it is deserved, as living up to such a standard is often impossible and exhausting.

Great individuals are always learning. They cannot remain stagnant and continually seek to improve themselves. I can particularly relate to this characteristic. I find it remarkable when I meet people, especially professionals aiming for success, who do not read, engage with new ideas, or seem content with a puzzling level of stagnation. It’s important to remember that the concept of character is entirely subjective. Your definition of good character may differ greatly from mine, and for the same reasons, greatness is also in the eye of the beholder.

There are those who contribute to someone’s so-called success or greatness. True greatness involves taking credit for one’s own accomplishments while also acknowledging the support received along the way. No one achieves anything alone.

Without the contributions of others, we might not even know the names of prominent figures like Steve Jobs, Winston Churchill, or Harriet Tubman, as their journeys were shaped by many who helped them succeed—and who also played a role in their failures. For someone to become a leader, it’s important to remember the must inspire that leadership, not demand or force it.

So where am I going with all this? With all due respect to Mr. Shakespeare, greatness isn’t an innate trait, it can’t be cultivated, nor is it something to aspire to. It’s a label granted by observers. Those who proclaim their own greatness are likely undeserving of such a title.

One might assume that the qualities of greatness are universal, but this is not the case. Some may see a blustery oligarch as great, while others argue that true greatness comes from kindness, authenticity, and faith. It’s all subjective. This reminds me of a line from “Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.”

When Luke Skywalker first met Yoda, he said he was looking for a great warrior. The wise little green creature replied, “Wars not make one great.” While delivered by a puppeteer in a 40-year-old space opera, that statement remains profoundly true.

I can’t define greatness for you, and frankly, neither can anyone else. Ultimately, we may already have enough individuals regarded as great in history. Instead, we should each aspire to goodness because there has always been and always will be a shortage of that.

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Let Your Light Shine Again

In Books, Dayton Ohio News, Education, Health, history, Literature, Opinion, Print Media, psychology, Uncategorized on March 9, 2023 at 4:46 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Insecurity affects people in different ways, from a simple annoyance to debilitating anxiety. It can be especially jarring when you were just there, doing your thing, and then, out of the blue, something rocks your confidence. Insecurity generally occurs when we compare ourselves to others, giving in to the ridiculous and constantly varying standards set by society.

The 1942 children’s book, “The Little Red Lighthouse and the Great Gray Bridge,” by Hildegarde H. Swift and Lynd Ward, has been an inspiration to children around the world. Myself included. I learned to read very early because of this book but, for me, its influence was far more literacy. The story itself, one of self-worth and perseverance, was also something to which I gravitated.

“The Little Red Lighthouse and the Great Gray Bridge,” is a simple story about a real lighthouse that sits on the banks of the Hudson River in New York City. As described in the book, “It was round and fat and red. It was fat and red and jolly. And it was very, very proud.”

Anthropomorphized in the story, the Lighthouse’s self-confidence stemmed from its own sense of importance in keeping boats safe along the river. Every night it flashed – one second on, two seconds off, with a big fog bell outside that clanged, “warning,” during bad weather.

The Lighthouse was originally built in 1889 as the North Hook Beacon, in Sandy Hook, New Jersey. In 1917, the lighthouse was shut down, but it wasn’t quite finished working yet. Four years later, it was moved to its current location in Manhattan’s North Washington Park in an effort to improve navigational support along the river.

Early in 1927, however, work began on the great span of the George Washington Bridge, directly behind the Lighthouse. By 1948 it was felt the bridge lighting overcast any need for the smaller light on the river and The Little Red Lighthouse was extinguished – seemingly forever.

Paralleled in the story, when the Lighthouse saw the large beam of light from atop the tower of the Great Gray Bridge, it was left feeling small, insignificant, and unimportant. At the same time, something had delayed the man who came every night to turn on the light. The Lighthouse felt abandoned and no longer needed.

Later, as a terrible storm came in, the Bridge called down, “Little Brother, where is your light?” The Bridge explained its duty to the ships of the air, but the Lighthouse was still important to safeguard the boats. Eventually, the caretaker arrived and turned on the gas, allowing the Lighthouse’s beam to shine brightly once more.

In reality, the Lighthouse was slated for demolition. But, in 1951, thanks to the popularity of the children’s book, an unprecedented public outcry to preserve The Little Red Lighthouse led the U.S. Coast Guard to deed it to the New York Department of Parks and Recreation. Nearly three decades later, it was added to the National Register of Historic Places and eventually designated a protected landmark of New York City.

Now safe in the shadow of the Bridge, the Lighthouse story’s simple message of self-worth was one that has resonated with people for more than 70 years. We all need it to feel relevant and valued but anyone can suffer from insecurity at some point. 

Like the Lighthouse, any of us can be unsure of our place in the world, comparing ourselves to those around us who seem bigger and better. Feeling irrelevant can be devastating.

That feeling, caused or fueled by deeply-rooted insecurity can sabotage the confidence of even the most self-assured person. And, sometimes we need a “Big Brother,” like the Bridge, or someone else we admire or respect to hold a mirror up for us so we can see our real value. That’s something my own Big Brother has done since I was very small, and, even as an adult, I still turn to him sometimes for that reassurance.

No matter how insignificant we may feel sometimes we all have something to offer. Just remember the courage of “The Little Red Lighthouse,” look for that one spark of inspiration, and, as the Bridge said to the Lighthouse, “let your light shine again.”

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Language skills lacking in American education

In Children and Family, Economy, Education, National News, Opinion, Technology, Uncategorized on December 18, 2013 at 12:45 pm

DIH LOGOIn June of 2013 the Commission on the Humanities and Social Sciences released a report stating the United States is losing its long-time advantage in language and social sciences. Honestly, I didn’t need a federally mandated report to know that Americans are suffering from a chronic lack of language skills.

Every day I read business letters, websites, reports, technical documentation and a mountain of other material supposedly created by professionals but which exhibit the communication skills of a seventh-grader. Even basic sentence structure and punctuation seem to elude people today. Of course, it wasn’t always so.

Once upon a time, American education stressed the importance of what was somewhat inaccurately referred to as, the “three R’s” – reading, writing, and arithmetic. In those days, being able to read and write was considered paramount to a bright future and that’s never been truer than it is today. As information technology advances via the Internet and its collective user devices, one would expect people to actually become better communicators rather than the opposite.

Despite the low-tech, no-budget educational systems of the old days, it’s entirely possible Americans living a century ago may have been far better educated and communicative. Back then students of different grades spent the early school years together in a one-room schoolhouse having the basics repeatedly drilled into them. It might have been redundant by today’s standards, but people seemed to be better able to communicate.

WRITING R USRemote educational technologies coupled with strings of poorly strategized legislation have led to what I consider to be the isolation of the American student. Individualized study, Internet-based classrooms, severe budget reductions in schools and a constant decrease in human interaction have all contributed to the decline of language proficiency. Many states have even removed the teaching of cursive handwriting from the curriculum, a skill, in my opinion, that helps promote a more thoughtful, creative approach to the written language.

Today, however, humanities programs have continued to lose favor, not to mention funding, to high-tech and STEM schools. If you’re unfamiliar, STEM is an acronym for Science Technology Engineering and Mathematics, and refers to a school that specializes in those fields.

All well and good, particularly in today’s high-tech job market. But if these kids never learn to properly write a letter or give a verbal presentation, what’s the point? Having an engineering background myself I can personally attest to the fact that effective writing is vitally important in high-tech fields, yet communications courses are still not a priority for many schools.

Writers used to be highly respected, experienced professionals no matter what their area of expertise. Not anymore. Just ask anyone and you can bet he or she is a “writer,” making it harder for those more qualified who are trying to make a living. I don’t work cheaply, because I have two decades of experience writing for publishers and commercial clients and I am good at what I do.

Still, that seems to count for nothing when publishers are cash poor and I’m competing for work against the latest blogger cranking out poor quality content for free. Unfortunately, the ability for anyone and everyone to publish online has diminished the public’s intellectual expectations of quality content.

Qualified editors are likewise disappearing from the professional landscape. An increasing number of publishers are selling newspapers, magazines and books with scathing grammatical and technical errors making even the professionals appear amateur and sloppy.

It’s no wonder these skills are dying off even more rapidly than we might have anticipated even just five or six years ago. Increasingly, people are communicating not in words, but in a cyber-shorthand, through texting and instant messages. Words are abridged to their most needed letters making our written language read like a vanity license plate.

In order to remain competitive and relevant on the global stage, American education must enhance language and social science programs. If we put as much effort into reading and writing as we do into having the best football team, just imagine what our students could achieve.

 

Gery L. Deer is an independent columnist and co-founder of the Western Ohio Writers Association. More at http://www.gerydeer.com

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Excuse me; is that your nose in my business?

In Children and Family, Entertainment, Opinion, psychology, sociology, Uncategorized on May 8, 2013 at 2:43 pm

Deer In Headlines

By Gery L. Deer

On "Bewitched," nosey neighbor, Gladys Kravits (Alice Pearce) always got more than she bargained for with her cup of sugar!

On “Bewitched,” nosey neighbor, Gladys Kravits (Alice Pearce) always got more than she bargained for with her cup of sugar!

Fifteen years ago, I was shopping for my first house when I realized I had no idea exactly what it was I wanted. I grew up on a farm with a house smack in the middle of a valley of trees, pasture and corn fields so I was lacking some of the social necessities of being a ‘neighbor.’

I had no idea what it meant to have to “keep up with the Joneses,” and I never saw my mother so desperate for sweetener that she needed to bang on someone else’s door and demand they fill her measuring cup with sugar. I just didn’t get it. And, after a good fifteen years, I still don’t.

Growing up in such isolation taught me self-reliance and a good feeling for minding my own business. Even as an adult, as public as I might seem between my published work, music and television appearances, I tend to be a bit of an introvert. It’s not that I’m unfriendly, quite the opposite, but I just feel like I should keep my nose in my own cupboard and leave others to do the same.

For some, however, that’s not the case. When I first considered a suburban home, I visited several developments and each put me in mind of TV shows of years past. On TV, the houses looked all the same and there was always that one, nosey neighbor who just couldn’t keep off your grass.

Inevitably, I think of Gladys Kravits, the screeching butinsky from “Bewitched,” who spent her day tormenting her happily ignorant husband Abner all about the goings on at the Stevens home across the street. Granted, there were weird things happening on Morning Glory Circle (that’s the street where Samantha and Darren lived on the show), but rarely did those events directly impact the neighbors.

I tend to be an observer of human behavior, which helps me, I hope, to be a good writer. I’ve noticed over the years that the preoccupation of people with the activities of their neighbors can be close to a debilitating obsession.

Constant worry about the concerns of others is, to my mind, ridiculous and kind of neurotic. What if you did nothing all day but ponder such things like … When did John cut his grass – for the tenth time? How did Bob buy that above ground pool when he doesn’t make that kind of money? Do those people have anything else to do but remodel their house every month?

It can get out of control. I’m hoping that level of unwarranted curiosity isn’t the norm but the exception. I would hate to think that my comings and goings were costing a good night’s sleep to anyone but me. That’s not to say that even rural suburbs don’t offer some level of low-brow entertainment of a kind that would even sour Jerry Springer’s sensibilities.

Fortunately, where I finally chose to buy a home turned out to be the perfect fit for me. But I know people who live in suburbs where you can’t make a move without someone commenting on it or having an opinion to gossip about. I’m sure it happens everywhere, but I think people should spend their time worrying about their own lives and stay out of the affairs of others.

If the concerns of those around you occupy your thoughts more than your own actions, it might be time to take a look in a mirror instead of out the front window. Being nosey isn’t the same as being neighborly.

Thoughtful compassion for a neighbor with a sick parent or welcoming a new baby is not the same as feeling the compulsion to always see what’s going on next door. It’s important for people to know the difference and respect those boundaries.

 

Gery L. Deer is an independent business writer and contributor to the WDTN-TV2 show, “Living Dayton.” More at http://www.gerydeer.com

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Don’t Believe Everything You Read. Seriously, don’t.

In Entertainment, Local News, Media, Opinion, Politics, psychology, television, Uncategorized on April 3, 2012 at 12:29 pm

By Gery L. Deer

Deer In Headlines

 

For reasons I still can’t totally understand, many people insist on believing whatever they read on a printed (or digital) page, regardless of how inane or baseless the material may seem. Generally the topic or tone falls in line with the reader’s interests or personal opinions and if it strikes them just the right way they fall for it, bait, hook and headline.

For example, while I appreciate the loyalty of my readers, I always encourage them to explore for themselves whatever topics I present and not simply take my word for it. An op-ed (opinion-editorial) column like mine offers one or two viewpoints about a particular topic but always has a ‘slant’ to it. For the author, the column can serve several purposes.

Some op-ed columnists are simply trying to put a voice to a particular viewpoint and provide food for thought to the reader. Others are doing everything they can to sway public opinion, by whatever means available to them, even by misrepresenting the facts.

Talk radio personalities and television news commentators offer the broadcast version of a written editorial column, usually with a much wider reach and, thus, a larger audience. Broadcast celebrity opinionists (my word for them) have one goal which is to please the advertisers by increasing ratings.

Banging on the desk and yelling, playing sound bites out of context and using as much spin as possible, these over paid blowhards ply the mushy brains of audiences with a lot of self-appointed authority. That authority is false but accepted by the masses, leaving them unable to tell the difference between fact and sensationalism.

Eventually, the Internet provided yet another outlet as audiences took to the computer screen for their news and information. So much pseudo-journalism has flooded the web that many now question the legitimacy and accuracy, not to mention the political slant, of modern news agencies. Take blogs for example.

The word blog is a shortened form of web log. Blogging started out simply enough as the ramblings of disgruntled workers or bored housewives who found an audience for their personal diatribes in the vast wasteland of the information superhighway. Over time, the number of blog followers has begun to surpass broadcast news and print journalism.

Depending on the content, a blog can attract millions of readers worldwide. According to the website InitialTraffic.com, the official blog of The Huffington Post was the most visited blog website of 2011 citing millions of hits for the publication. Other blogs have become mainstream resources, having transformed from op-ed material to news and video content.

Competition for subscribers and high-volume audiences is fierce between media outlets and some will do whatever it takes to keep advertising and subscription revenue coming in. It’s important that readers know the difference between opinion, editorial, news and sensationalist content. But how do you tell the difference?

An article or broadcast story that can be considered ‘news’ will provide the reader with the who, what, why, when and how of a topic, giving you the information without commentary or speculation. An opinion or editorial piece will include conjecture or literally offer the writer’s views in an attempt to slant the story or alter public perception of the topic.

In my columns, I generally cite the facts of a current event, a quote by a politician (in its entirety, so the context is clear), express the concerns of fellow citizens or I will base the work on a historical reference of some kind. The idea is to provide the solid, factual basis for whatever argument I wish to make.

For all of the chatter online, on television and on the radio, your local newspaper, in my opinion, is still your best bet for accurate news coverage regarding events immediately affecting you and your family. Online or in print, it offers a ground-level look at the day-to-day happenings without the ‘noise.’ Whatever your choice for news and commentary, be an informed reader.

 

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