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Archive for the ‘psychology’ Category

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New Year’s Convolutions

In Dayton Ohio News, Local News, News Media, Opinion, psychology, Uncategorized on January 14, 2024 at 5:44 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Well, it’s New Year’s Day, and you’ve partied like it was 1999, which, as it turned out, wasn’t all that much to party about. You’ve shaken your booty, danced the night away, and watched a sickeningly expensive party favor lowered in ritual celebration.

Then, after the plop, plop, fizz, fizz, you’re ready to face the world. You’ll step up to new challenges, take on the gym and the boardroom, boldly go where … okay, you know the rest of it. Wait a minute, though. Why now? Where’s all this motivation coming from? Why didn’t you have it last year, which was like, you know, yesterday?

Well, unfortunately, many people misguidedly see the new year as the promise of a clean slate, a fresh start, or a time to take on new challenges. In the first couple of months, gym memberships go up, cigarette sales drop, healthier food will fill grocery carts, and a great many engagement rings will need to be resized. Sadly, much of this activity is the result of a convoluted, all-powerful, and yet pointless New Year’s resolution.

According to one study I read, more than 35 percent of adults set New Year’s resolutions, with a surprising majority on the young side, between 18 and 34. As you might imagine, of the list of most common resolutions, health-related choices hold the top 3 spots, with increased exercise as number one.

In most of the research I found, saving more money was one of the lead resolutions. That struck me as contradictory because to achieve many of the others, you generally spend more than you would have in the first place. For instance, gym memberships, travel, starting a new business, healthier eating (the high cost of which makes no sense to me), and even quitting your job require more money.

If you’re interested in demographics, women mostly want to engage in health-related change for themselves. At the same time, men focus more on achieving career ambitions and laying off the booze. Good goals, for sure. Unfortunately, things tend to… dry out, if you’ll excuse the pun.

As it turns out, only about 9 percent of resolutioners stay with it beyond the second year. Nearly 25 percent quit after the first week. That number increases to almost 65 percent by the end of the first month. Oddly, most people quit on the second Friday of that month, and it even has a name. The makers of Strava, a popular activity-tracking app among runners and cyclists, discovered that its use plummets on that day, so they named it, “Quitters Day.”

Seems pretty hopeless, doesn’t it? I mean, why bother trying to improve yourself if you know the statistics are totally against you, right? Well, it wouldn’t be Deer In Headlines without some sage, if not potentially useless, advice from me. So, here goes.

First, forget the New Year’s resolution nonsense. It’s a recipe for failure. Start by identifying small, attainable, and measurable goals that build to the big one. For example, if you want to lose weight, set a realistic goal and, in my opinion, don’t put a clock on it. Create a plan that includes smaller food portions and steps down sweets and high-fat food. But don’t go cold turkey and build in regular exercise – slowly.

The same goes for career moves, financial success, or anything else. Remember, you’re trying to make life changes that will stick, and that takes time and commitment. Yes, it’s really hard sometimes, and we are our own worst enemies. It’s okay to be scared. But be kind to yourself, especially if your progress feels slow. Don’t give up and adjust where needed.

Incidentally, I know you want support from family and friends. But, trust me, share what you’re doing only with the closest few. For all the pats on the back, there are just as many slaps in the face – especially on social media. Personal accountability may be difficult, but it results in the longest-lasting success.

Finally, ignore the resolution hype, give yourself a chance, and do the work. I promise that the challenge and results are worth it. Focus, plan, commit, get plenty of sleep, and have a safe and happy new year.

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TCN Behavioral Health Announces Opening of Second See U Now (“SUN”) Clinic

In Charities, Dayton Ohio News, Health, Local News, psychology, Uncategorized on January 11, 2024 at 9:07 am

TCN clients can now access SUN Clinics on Tuesdays from 1pm to 4pm and Fridays from 10am to 1pm.

Bellefontaine, Ohio – January 9, 2024 – TCN Behavioral Health Services, Inc. announces the opening of its second See U Now (or “SUN”) Clinic on Tuesday, January 9, 2024. The clinic, located physically in the Bellefontaine office at 118 Maple Avenue, will be open weekly on Tuesdays from 1pm to 4pm and can see clients both in person and via telehealth.

TCN’s first SUN Clinic opened on January 6, 2023 in TCN’s Xenia office, and in 2023 provided 434 services to 262 clients both in person and via telehealth. The SUN Clinic is intended to serve clients without a prior appointment as their need arises. A Clinic Coordinator works with the client to choose the services they wish to receive from a multi-disciplinary team of providers including nursing, psych, MAT, primary care, substance use and mental health counseling, case management and peer support. The Clinic accepts all payment options including Medicaid, Medicare, private insurance, and self-pay. As with all TCN services, local board funding is available for clients who qualify.

“TCN is always proud of our innovative practice to meet clients where they are, and the SUN Clinic is another example of this,” says TCN CEO Lori Strobl. “SUN’s motto is “nothing about you, without you” and its mission is to empower the client to be in control of their healthcare and truly partner with their clinical team.”

“We are very excited to welcome this new model of behavioral health care to our communities,” says Dr. Adam Sorensen, Executive Director of the Mental Health Drug & Alcohol Services Board of Logan & Champaign Counties. “TCN’s SUN Clinic approach has a proven track record, and it is a perfect example of TCN’s commitment to offering high-quality, person-centered care. We appreciate TCN’s ongoing partnership and willingness to be innovative with our shared goals of improving access and quality of care in our neighborhoods.” 

Founded in 1990, TCN Behavioral Health Services, Inc. is a comprehensive behavioral health agency dedicated to improving lives by providing clinically excellent and accessible behavioral health services.  TCN provides mental health, substance use and psychiatric services for adults and youth in Logan and Champaign counties.  For more information or to donate to TCN call (937)376-8700 or visit http://www.tcn.org.

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GCCOA Hosts Memory Loss Presentation

In Children and Family, Dayton Ohio News, Health, Local News, psychology, Science, Senior Lifestyle, Uncategorized on January 4, 2024 at 1:47 pm

The Greene Count Council on Aging is hosting a free memory loss information session titled, “Is It Dementia?” The event will be held at 2:30 PM, on Wednesday, January 10th, at the Xenia Community Center, 1265 W. Second St., in Xenia. Seating is limited, so please call 937-376-5486 or email YourFriends@gccoa.org to reserve yours.

From the GCCOA information:

We all experience memory loss at one time or another and many of us are fearful of what it might mean. Is it ‘normal’ memory loss or is it caused by dementia, such as Alzheimer’s disease?

Experts will answer your questions, address your concerns, discuss the types of dementia and explore things to consider as a caregiver or someone wanting to learn more about memory loss and dementia.

From the editor: For more on dementia, here is a study from Columbia University’s Irving Medical Center – https://www.cuimc.columbia.edu/news/one-10-older-americans-has-dementia

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Intentional Living

In Opinion, psychology, Uncategorized on November 3, 2023 at 11:02 am

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

There is a line in the movie “Apollo 13,” when Tom Hanks, as astronaut Jim Lovell, asks his crew, “Gentlemen, what are your intentions?” The question comes just after their spacecraft is crippled, no moon landing is possible, and they will be lucky if they can make it home.

That has always been one of my favorite movie lines because of its depth of meaning. Hanks’s character is really asking, “Do you intend to survive this?” More importantly, he’s saying, “I want to survive, and I’m ready to do what it’s going to take to get us home safely – are you?” I don’t know if it’s something Lovell really said during that fateful flight, but it certainly seems a likely inquiry on his part.

Intent is an important part of day-to-day living. People often speak of a life with purpose, but rarely about the intent even though it carries great weight in our society. In the legal world, it refers to the mental objective of our actions, one for which we can ultimately be held responsible.

I recently met a young woman named Kimberly Brown who started an online clothing business during the pandemic which she refers to as, “fashion with a purpose.” As an African-American woman concerned with the social struggles of the day, she wanted to offer those who shared that anxiety a unique way to express it. Under the brand she created, “I Am Intentional,” each item offers a message that is, as her website explains, “deeply rooted in social impact, empowerment, and inspiration.”

As she told me about the motivation behind this work, her passion and energy were inspirational, and no passing fad. She intends to be successful, which is a challenge. She already has a lot on her plate. Kimberly is a caregiver to her ailing mother, holds down a full-time job, and as well as operating a second side business.

It was clear that intent was at the very essence of her nature. To have such a clear presence of mind and understanding of purpose are rare qualities. But isn’t it possible that each of us has the capacity for such intentional living?

There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t look in the mirror and think, “What am I doing with my life and who am I helping?” Life shouldn’t be about mere survival, but neither must it have to be altruistic all the time either.

Personally, I believe intent requires conscious effort. According to the dictionary, the word means to be resolved or determined to do something. But I don’t think it’s that simple. Intention needs direction, purpose, and, above all, a plan.

To live intentionally I think you must first know where you’re coming from. What brought you to this point? Then you can identify your intentions and plan to carry them out.

If we go back to the “Apollo 13” quote, it’s clear that the character of Lovell was asking about the crew’s willingness to do what had to be done. But he was also making sure they understood their place in the plan that would ultimately save their lives. 

Nobody can tell you how to live intentionally. I believe that comes from within. It may spring from faith, morality, a sense of social justice, or whatever drives you. Everyone’s motivation will be different.

Needless to say, there is no amount of intent that will solve the world’s problems. But if your personal intention can be found and applied, you might change some things in your little corner of it. 

I will leave you to contemplate this story of Kimberly’s determination to make a statement in the world while giving others the opportunity to do the same with their own style and heart. Like her, we all face the day-to-day challenges of life, some good, others not so much. Sometimes simultaneously. Our intentions spring from how we deal with all those situations, our place in society, and our effect on the lives of others.

Like the crew of Apollo 13, sometimes we have to take a moment and ask the question before we can move forward. My question to you is, what are your intentions?

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Perception is reality

In Entertainment, Health, Opinion, psychology on October 24, 2023 at 12:46 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

British writer and theologian C.S. Lewis said, “What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are.” Put simply, reality is based, not on fact, but instead on our personal perception of what we see and hear.  That said, it’s been my experience that not everyone has the same perception of reality.

Generally, I would imagine most of us trust our senses to deliver an accurate view of the world around us and then depend on our cognitive reasoning to help us comprehend it. It’s commonly known as, “perception.” Whatever the term, it simply means our view of things depends on how we interpret our surroundings. For instance, if I see a blue sky with clouds drifting by, I assume everyone else sees it too, right? Colorblindness notwithstanding, that all stands to reason.

But we all know people who walk around in more of an oblique version of reality. Often their reality is negative, dark, and painful, not to mention staggeringly inaccurate. Here’s what I mean. We all have a friend or family member who always seems to have it worse than everyone else. Regardless of how bad your case of the flu was last week; his experience was near death. Of course, it wasn’t, but that’s how he relates it to you.

This is known as catastrophizing and tends to be associated with various personality disorders. It can mean that the person behaves and thinks in ways that would be considered different than normal. And yes, I get that normal is relative and subjective. But here, I’m referring to someone with a mental health issue who is exhibiting behavior contrary to acceptable – or safe – social standards.

Sometimes those thoughts and emotions are caused by traumatic experiences and manifest themselves in other ways. I’m not a psychologist, but I do know that borderline personality disorder, for example, might include a strong fear of abandonment. It can cause the individual to always assume the worst about others. Thus, their view of reality – and people – may be somewhat distorted, altered by the painful experience of being left behind.

But what if there is no medical diagnosis for these issues? What if the person’s sense of reality just seems to be completely “out there?” Is that really a thing? How does it happen and is it an indication of mental illness? Probably, but it may never be diagnosed, let alone treated.

In my opinion, someone with a warped sense of reality also seems to be absent any sort of empathy or understanding, instead feeling like the world revolves around them.

It’s possible they’re unaware of their own character, feelings, motives, and desires, each of which helps to define who we are, and has a great influence on how we perceive and cope with the world around us. If you’re unable to see your own attributes, good and bad, then your sense of reality might be drastically altered as well, especially if you have no support system.

Someone like that might seem incredibly self-centered, narcissistic, or even paranoid and probably suffers from a strong persecution complex. It’s doubtful they even know that their behavior hurts those around them, damaging relationships, and even reinforcing abandonment issues because they push people away.

I’ve dealt with people like this, on some level, all my life. Most are completely unaware of their behavior or lack of awareness. At times some exhibit symptoms of bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and even factitious disorder (what they used to call Munchhausen syndrome) because they often fake or inflict illness to get attention.

Again, we are tiptoeing around various levels of mental illness and I reemphasize that I am not a psychologist. These are simply my personal observations based on some education and limited experience. Mental healthcare is incredibly lacking in the United States, horribly curtailed by ignorance, stigma, and decades-old misinformation.

So, if someone you know is exhibiting these behaviors, please discuss it with someone close to them or seek out a mental health professional to help. Your doctor, local behavioral health agency, or public health department can help find the right resource.

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Don’t Panic!

In Books, Education, Entertainment, Health, Opinion, psychology, Uncategorized on October 17, 2023 at 7:50 am

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Don’t panic! That’s rarely what you want to hear at those crazy moments when, odds are panicking is exactly the thing you should be doing. The dictionary defines “panic” as a sudden, uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinking behavior. Reactions vary widely, from a little nervousness to a full-on panic attack, complete with hyperventilation, rapid pulse, excessive perspiration, and much more.

Fortunately, I’ve never really been someone who panics. I’m generally calm in high-stress situations. Adrenaline probably creates a false sense of clarity and focus. I would say I’ve experienced anxiety, tension, and worry, but nothing I would call panic. It made me wonder, what makes you panic? It’s likely that you’re not alone in your apprehension. So, here are some things that commonly make people panic.

Number one on the list, meeting the potential in-laws for the first time. This is a great one. Symptoms include sweaty palms, a terrible sense of inadequacy, and the feeling that you just swallowed a lizard – and it desperately wants to come back up.

Next up is the dreaded job interview. You spend the days and hours ahead of the big moment researching, reading self-help blogs about how to prepare for interviews, and generally freak out. And talk about sweaty palms, you nearly break into a human sprinkler system just sitting in the lobby waiting for your turn. That bouncing knee, what even causes that?

What about being stuck in an elevator? Do you panic then? It might be comforting to know that fewer than 50 people die in elevator-related accidents every year in the United States. Fatalities range from falling cars to being caught in the doors between floors. Gruesome! But, what are the odds of you being one of those people? You have a better chance of being hit by lightning or winning the lottery, now that should bring on some panic.

You’re lazily riding your bicycle down the street and suddenly realize the neighbor’s Jack Russel is out and has slipped his tether. There is nothing more panic-inducing than a small dog chasing you on a bike. I never worry about the big dogs; they give up at the end of the driveway. But the little ones, oh dear! Just pedal faster and don’t turn around!

A first date. More sweaty palms, overthinking your clothes, and whether your car is cool enough to impress your date. Will you say the wrong thing, talk too much, or manage to seem interesting enough to get a second date? So much at stake and yet nothing at all.

Something I never thought of before – automatic flushers in public bathrooms. My niece shared with me that some people are afraid that the toilet will flush while they’re sitting on it. It’s the anticipation of when the flush happens that apparently induces the anxiety.

Oh, and remember the panic you felt back in grade school that accompanied report card day? (Yes, I’m old. Grade reports were once on paper.) Brow-soaking worry would set in about the grades the comments be, and, above all, will Mom or Dad sign it.

Vacation is supposed to be a relaxing, fun time with family and friends, a break from stress and worry. So, imagine you’re out on the open road and you just passed the first exit you’ve seen for hours and, suddenly, your car’s “low fuel” light comes on. The gas gage is bouncing on “E” and now you start to worry. Will you make it to the next exit? Your car isn’t fancy enough to have the estimated fuel and mileage indicator so you’re in the dark. How much gas do you have left? Can you make it to the next exit?

What else can induce panic? How do you combat those feelings? Sometimes you can avoid things, but often, you just have to face whatever it is, head on, and move forward. Panic is caused by feelings spun up by thoughts. When I feel anxious or worried, I do my best to try to alter my thoughts, which, hopefully, will change my feelings and I can remain calm. Maybe you can find some practice that will help you do the same.

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A House Divided

In Dayton Ohio News, Education, finances, Food, Health, history, Local News, News Media, Opinion, Politics, psychology, Senior Lifestyle, Uncategorized on September 2, 2023 at 2:47 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

When I restarted this series after a 5-year hiatus, I decided to steer away from politics, religion, and other hot-button topics in favor of more personal subjects. That said, I’ll dip a toe into that pool only enough to express my concern at the level of divisiveness now facing our country and who actually pays the price for it.

The political climate in America today is toxic, with no end in sight. Everything is viewed only from one side by an ill-informed, angry citizenry and uncompromising elected, uncivilized government officials. Over the long haul, we simply can’t function that way. Our legislators must work together in order to govern, even to manage the most basic issues. Unfortunately, that seems unlikely to change when the only people getting attention are the radical extremists.

Regardless of your ethnic background, or whether you’re conservative, liberal, or whatever, surely there are things we can all agree on, right? For instance, instead of spending hours on cable TV news bickering about who caused inflation, wouldn’t our collective energy be better spent on ways to help people get through it? Meanwhile, our dedicated elected officials spend taxpayer money riding around in limousines, secure in their healthcare, paychecks, and benefits, all guaranteed long after they’ve left office.

More absurd is that, in the most powerful and wealthiest country on Earth, there are still people who can’t get enough food, shelter, or other necessities – particularly the elderly, veterans, and children. No, it’s beyond absurd, it’s criminal. This problem affects everyone. The number of working poor continues to grow, most of my family included. Most people are only a paycheck or two from ruin. All it takes is one major catastrophe and boom, we’re on the street. Regardless, people from every side are too busy waving flags and hating each other’s politics to care or do anything about it.

Recently, I did some work at a food pantry and had the opportunity to learn more about the mission of these organizations. I am shocked about how necessary they are in so many communities. In just one year, the number of families served might double, so they must continually find new ways to meet the constantly growing demand.

You might be surprised to know that the people who most need services like this are not homeless or indigent. They are instead the working poor, single-parent families, and, sadly, veterans. No one should feel ashamed of taking help from those who offer it. But I can’t imagine how hard must be for someone who proudly served our country and then is forced to go to a food pantry just to have enough to eat.

The number of military families and veterans who need various types of assistance is also surprising. They include elderly or disabled veterans, military wives and husbands with young children trying to make ends meet while their spouses are deployed, families of all ages and backgrounds, and the kids, wow. Watching a child’s eyes light up over a book or something as simple as a Twinkie or a fresh piece of fruit can be simultaneously enlightening and heartbreaking.

Again, while the politicians ride around in limousines and kowtow to mindless followers during ridiculous cult-like rallies, the people they claim to be fighting for wait in lines at food pantries. They have no money, little healthcare, and a veteran affairs system that’s so broken it needs to be razed and rebuilt from the ground up.

These issues aren’t conservative or liberal, Muslim, Jewish, or Christian. We are so blinded by ridiculous ideologies and political divisiveness that we can’t see the real responsibilities facing our country – poverty, homelessness, substance abuse, an ever-changing job market, and so much more. Certainly, we could all get together on some of these things. Nope, it’s just not going to happen.

The people I meet in these situations don’t want handouts. They want to be understood and for their elected legislature to work for not against them. But until we put down the flags, turn off the news, and choose to be better human beings, nothing will change. So, all I have left to say is to quote my favorite president. “A house divided cannot stand.”

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You’ve got this.

In Children and Family, Opinion, psychology, Uncategorized on August 28, 2023 at 10:25 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

If you have followed my series for a while, you know that I dealt with a lot of health problems growing up. From birth, until I was about 21, I had around 200 different procedures and surgeries. Some were experiments, with unknown outcomes, and others were common procedures as some type of intermittent step from point A to point B. Some went perfectly, others did not. Something that I learned through all of that was a fierce sense of what I’m going to call determination.

That determination came from a confidence, not in myself, but in the physicians, my parents, and my family. Not for one second did I ever doubt I would make it through something, even with talk like, “This procedure may limit his ability to walk,“ or, “Recovery could take up to a year,” or my favorite, “This one’s pretty involved“ – like the others weren’t? Yeah, sometimes it didn’t sound too good, but everyone kept reassuring me and, to my kid brain and blind faith in those looking after me, I knew everything would be alright.

As a child, the only dependable sources for accurate information and support are the adults around you. It’s not like your playground friends could be much help. Most of mine didn’t even understand what was going on with me – and didn’t care. Such ignorance generated the incredible amount of bullying that I endured (kids are awful). The irony was, none of the hurtful things they said about me had any basis in fact. Actually, most were downright science fiction. But, through all that, I still believed all would eventually be OK. No, it was more than that. The truth is no other outcome ever crossed my mind. This was my world and I would get through it.

Today, I carry that same fortitude, grit, or determination; call it what you will. I’ve experienced my share of depression as an adult, mostly related to the deaths of my parents. But, for the most part, I am just not wired to perseverate on negatives. I realize the good in a problem may be pretty hard to find, but it’s there. It’s not about being a “glass half-full” kind of person, but rather I prefer to be a realist. I look at all the negatives and I’m firmly aware of everything that can go wrong (or already has). Dwelling on all of that will not change the outcome one bit, but it will keep me from having the energy to fight through it.

I’m afraid I don’t have your answers and positive thinking is simply not enough. We all have to try to find proof within ourselves that life is worth living. Even the bright spots are buried deep down you have to try to recognize them. I always say that some part of me fought to survive to this point, so I would just be letting myself down if I give up now.

The bad news is, I don’t know how to tell you to do any of that. And I have more bad news for you – neither do any of the self-help gurus. They’re all throwing out a bunch of dimestore psychobabble. They wrap it in rainbows and sunshine, drop it between the covers of a badly-written book, and advertise it to you on Amazon for $23.95. But, for all of that, they really have no answers. Here’s a secret, though – you may already have the answers you need. Yes, you will have to make the effort and take the time to find them.

That may be really, really hard, and anyone who says otherwise is full of crap. We all face things that we think we can’t get through, and some of them we don’t – the residuals of those events stay with us. Life is hard but it is not impossible. If you leave the gate thinking the race is lost, then what hope is there? So, for what it’s worth from me, whatever’s going on, I know you can handle it – and so do you. Hang in there. Find your bright spot, hold onto it, and don’t let anybody deter you. You’ve got this.

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Ignore the Green Light

In Books, Opinion, psychology, sociology, Uncategorized on July 22, 2023 at 7:38 am

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

“If it wasn’t for the mist, we could see your home across the bay. You always have a green light that burns all night at the end of your dock.” – A quote by Jay Gatsby, from “The Great Gatsby,” by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

You may not think of it in those terms, but we all have a “green light,” some undying yet seemingly unattainable desire for something. If you’re unfamiliar with the reference, let me point you toward the classic novel.

The book was written and set in the 1920s during New York’s Jazz Age, a time of prohibition, excess, and the American “consumer culture.” For Fitzgerald’s title character, a green light set at the end of a boat dock represented all that Gatsby desired or deemed of value in life. For across the water were his dreams – a woman named Daisy and her whirlwind, ritzy, lifestyle. 

To be worthy of Daisy’s attention, though, Gatsby thought he had to attain a lifestyle that, in those days, was unreachable unless you were born into it. Growing up impoverished in rural North Dakota, he saw money and prestige as the means to fit into Daisy’s world, and true happiness. In reality, however, Daisy, though from a wealthy and estimable family, wasn’t happy at all. Instead, she saw her place in that society as a stranglehold, a prison sentence.

Gatsby eventually got what he wanted, or did he? I won’t spoil the end for you – go read it. You don’t get the right feel of this from movies. Either way, the moral here is that chasing the green light may not be all it’s cracked up to be after all. I suppose, however, it really depends on what your green light represents, doesn’t it? That begs the question, what is your “green light?”

Is there anything you want so badly that you would change who you are as a person or alter your values just to get it? I’m pretty sure I don’t have anything like that. I’ve never been someone who cared anything about social position, prestige, or money, other than to support myself and my family without too much struggle.

Likewise, I never cared much about how people saw me or where I fit in so-called, “social circles.” If you don’t like me, you know where the door is, I’m not changing to suit your sensibilities. No one should have to do that.

To me, the green light represents something out of our reach, not so much because of socioeconomic status, but who we are as individuals. But, if I have to be something artificial in order for people to accept me into some popular collective, then I don’t want to be around them in the first place. I have never understood those who pretend to be something they’re not just to fit in with a group or climb some social ladder. I guess my ambitions just lay elsewhere.

In the novel, I think the problem with Gatsby’s vision of happiness, as with so many people, is how narrow, artificial, and ill-informed it was from the start. He wanted the money and social success so badly, he was willing to be something other than himself just to be with someone who didn’t even want to live in that world. It could be said that Daisy wanted out as badly as he wanted into it.

I’m not saying we should all simply accept our station, especially not if you’re really unhappy. But the life you want and the people you share it with should reflect who you really are, not who others think you should be. Don’t change just to assimilate to some idealistic world that probably isn’t what you think it is anyway.

Where does that leave us – and Gatsby? He saw Daisy’s green light as a beacon, lighting his way to financial and social salvation, but things rarely work out that way. My advice, for whatever it’s worth, is to ignore the green light and concentrate on what really drives you, the “you” that you are now. If you want to change for the good, to grow, that’s amazing! But do it for yourself, not someone else.

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We weren’t always old.

In Local News, Opinion, psychology, Senior Lifestyle, Uncategorized on July 14, 2023 at 6:08 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

An elderly gentleman sat quietly in a wheelchair, hunched and feeble, and his tired eyes peered through thick, smudged glasses. What remained of probably a head full of dark, wavy locks now lay in thin, white whisps. A young woman in a healthcare uniform sat next to him, smiling as she helped him eat some pudding from a small plastic cup. He looked longingly at the family sitting across the room entertaining what he assumed was a grandparent. His thoughts wandered back, 30, 40, and 50 years, to the days of his youth, as a young husband and father.

He remembered the excitement of family vacations, the birth of his first child, his first job and promotion, and buying their first home. So many things had happened, so much time, so much life, so many had gone on before him, so many yet to come. To him, just a moment ago, he was a young man, but now… He glanced again at the family, and around the room at the other residents of the nursing home.

“We weren’t always old,” he whispered under his breath, a single tear sliding from beneath his heavy glasses. The woman continued to give him the snack until the cup was empty. A moment later, he’d dozed off and she was pushing his chair back to his room.

I saw countless scenes like this while I cared for my parents. Life has a way of teaching us things, whether we are willing students or not. As we age, begin to understand pearls of wisdom shared by our parents, grandparents, and teachers. Somehow, the man’s lament of “we weren’t always old,” stuck a chord with me. I wasn’t either.

For some reason, the young seem to ignore the person behind the white hair, walkers, and wrinkles. Somewhere in there is the person they once were, young, vibrant, active, and productive. They were actors, writers, salespeople, teachers, police officers, musicians, mothers, lawyers, doctors, and so much more. They were somebody, and we should never forget it!

Everyone’s got that grandparent, aunt, or uncle, who sits in the corner at holiday dinners telling stories of the old days, but almost no one listens. They’ve heard the stories over and over as if the person’s mind is locked into that point in their life history. I learned a lot about my dad while I was caring for him. He would sit and tell me stories as we worked a puzzle or watched an old western on TV. I tried hard to understand who he was beyond the man I knew as my father. I’m not sure many people ever do that with their senior family.

As we age, we are still people, still individuals. We can still dream, imagine, love, care, create, understand, learn, and grow, but the system doesn’t always let us. Eventually, we will outlive our societal usefulness. We’re parked in Hell’s waiting room as our relatives wait to argue about who gets the junk we leave behind. It’s no wonder our minds retreat to better days. It’s ridiculous, and it’s pretty sad. There is so much to learn from our seniors, so much history, life lessons, and experience, all of which would benefit us to learn and absorb.

It’s strange how we treat the elderly in this country. In government, we routinely elect and re-elect people who stay in power for decades, until they finally age out to illness or die in office. Most are still holding political office many years after corporate America would have shown them the door. But most of the rest of us are “put out to pasture” at what is arguably a very young age. Illness notwithstanding, senior citizens still have a great deal to offer. They should be the schoolteachers, counselors, and mentors.

 Our society might be in better shape if our youth paid more attention to the mistakes and successes of past generations instead of constantly trying to reinvent the wheel. So, my advice to the younger folks out there is simple – spend more time with the older folks in your lives. Pay attention to their stories – listen and learn. You never know, you both may learn something!