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Posts Tagged ‘love’

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Four Stars Is Enough

In Local News, Opinion, Uncategorized on May 3, 2026 at 11:35 am

Deer In Headlines
By Gery Deer

Modern society has developed a strange habit of seeking approval from people who often have no stake, no expertise, and no genuine interest in what they are judging. We have turned everyday life into a performance staged for an invisible audience armed with star ratings and comment boxes. The irony is that most of the people who hand out these ratings are just as unqualified as those receiving them, yet we treat their opinions as if they were carved into stone.

Somewhere along the way, we decided that five stars should be the goal, the standard, and the measure of a life well lived. But five stars is a fantasy. Real life is messy, inconsistent, and rarely perfect, no matter how carefully we curate it for public consumption. And yet, we chase that perfect rating as if it will unlock some hidden validation that finally tells us we are enough.

The truth is far less dramatic. You can earn five stars online and still feel empty the moment the notification fades. Nothing about your actual life changes because someone you will never meet clicked a rating on a screen. We have mistaken attention for value and validation for truth.

If you step back for a moment, it becomes clear how absurd it all is. Why are we letting strangers—whose only qualification is a profile picture and a scrolling thumb—decide how we feel about ourselves? The answer is uncomfortable: because we have built systems that reward approval over authenticity. And once approval becomes the currency, we stop asking whether it is worth anything.

Perhaps the healthier standard is not perfection, but sufficiency. A four-star life acknowledges effort, imperfection, growth, and honesty without demanding applause from people who do not know the work behind the scenes. In the end, maybe four stars is not a compromise, but a liberation—a reminder that our worth is not determined by strangers tapping glass. It is determined by how we show up when no one is watching, by how we treat others in quiet moments, and by whether we can look at ourselves with honest acceptance.

The obsession with public approval has turned many lives into performances instead of experiences. We post instead of living, we curate instead of connecting, and we measure instead of finding meaning. There is a quiet relief in deciding that enough is enough—that not every moment needs applause, not every effort needs validation, and not every choice needs a rating.

Life becomes lighter when we stop outsourcing our self-worth to algorithms and anonymous judges. The most honest score we will ever receive is the one we give ourselves after reflection. And that score does not need to be perfect to be meaningful.

So instead of chasing five stars, maybe we should aim for something far more human: consistency, kindness, effort, and integrity. Those are harder to rate, but easier to live with. When we strip away the noise of online approval, we often find that what matters has been in front of us all along—a quiet life, well lived, not perfectly, but honestly.

That is the real measure, not stars or likes, but substance. And substance does not require applause to exist. If we can accept that truth, we free ourselves from an exhausting pursuit of approval that never truly satisfies, and we return to something steadier, more grounded, and far more real: a life measured not by strangers, but by our own honest standards.

In that space, four stars is not a downgrade, but clarity. Clarity that we are allowed to be imperfect and still be whole. The world will continue to rate everything it sees, but we do not have to participate in every judgment.

We can choose instead to live beyond the rating system and rediscover what it means to be enough without external confirmation. That choice is quiet, but powerful, and it begins when we finally stop asking strangers for permission to be ourselves.

We can live more freely when we decide that our value is not a public vote, but a private truth built from daily actions, intentions, and quiet integrity—beyond the screen and beyond the noise of judgment itself.

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What Grounds You?

In Local News, Opinion, Uncategorized on May 3, 2026 at 11:27 am

Deer In Headlines
By Gery Deer

In a world that never stops talking, the hardest thing to do is listen for silence. We scroll, swipe, click, and chase, convinced the next notification might carry something essential. Most of the time, it doesn’t. It just adds another layer of noise to an already crowded headspace, another reason to forget where we are standing and who we were before the noise found us.

That is why the question matters: what grounds you? Not in some abstract, self-help sense, but in the real, tactile way that keeps your feet planted when everything else feels like it is spinning. Grounding is not a trend. It is a tether. It is the quiet, stubborn force that keeps you from drifting too far into anxiety, ambition, or the endless churn of digital life.

I have come to believe that grounding lives in the senses. It is the weight of something familiar in your hands, the sound of a rhythm you have known for years, the smell that pulls you backward through time without asking permission. It is not complicated, and that is precisely why we overlook it. We are trained to chase what is new, not what is true.

For me, those anchors are unapologetically analog. There is the click of a typewriter key, sharp and deliberate, a sound that refuses to be rushed. There is the feel of bicycle handlebars steady under my grip, reminding me that forward motion does not require a screen. And there is an old truck, a 1967 International Harvester grain truck, that answers to the name Serenity.

Serenity is not subtle. It is steel and wood and history, the kind of machine that demands your attention simply by existing. But for me, it carries something quieter. It carries the low thrum of an engine from childhood, the memory of time spent beside my father, learning without realizing I was learning. It carries the echo of music played with family, the shared language of rhythm and repetition.

In that way, the truck is more than an object. It is a bridge. It connects who I was to who I am, and it does so without asking for an update or a password. It simply exists, waiting patiently, ready to remind me that not everything meaningful needs to be optimized, digitized, or shared.

I suspect we all have something like that, even if we have not named it yet. Maybe it is the smell of coffee brewing before dawn, or the steady weight of a dog settling into your lap at the end of a long day. Maybe it is a song that hits the same way every time, no matter how many years pass.

The problem is not that these things are hard to find. The problem is that we are rarely still long enough to notice them. The world benefits from our distraction. It profits from our attention being constantly pulled somewhere else. Stillness, on the other hand, does not monetize well. It does not trend. It simply works.

When the noise gets loud, and it will, those anchors matter. They give us a place to return to, a baseline that reminds us we are more than our inboxes and timelines. They pull us back into our bodies, into the present moment, into something real. Without them, it is far too easy to drift, to lose the thread of ourselves in the endless scroll.

So ask yourself the question and answer it honestly. What is your tether? What is the thing that keeps you here when everything else tries to carry you away? Find it. Name it. Keep it close. Because when the storm comes, and it always does, you will need to know exactly what holds you to the ground.

In the end, grounding is not about escaping the modern world. It is about surviving it with your sense of self intact. It is about choosing, again and again, to return to what is real, even when what is real feels quieter than the noise. That choice may be small, even invisible to anyone else, but it is powerful. It is the difference between being carried along and standing firm.

Hold on to it, always.

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Happy Expectations

In Local News, Opinion, Uncategorized on October 24, 2025 at 7:41 am

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Happiness, expectations, and acceptance. If I’ve learned anything in my nearly six decades of riding this blue spinning ball of water and mud around the cosmos, it’s that everything boils down to those three things.

First, there’s the idea of happiness – which has always escaped me. If you believe all the self-help books, lifestyle gurus, and advertising agencies, happiness is all about meeting needs or wants by a combination of philosophical and material means. Makes it seem pretty easy, doesn’t it? Well, we all know that’s nonsense.

It might sound cliché, but happiness isn’t something you can buy in a store or conjure up simply by deciding today that you’re going to be content. Although there is evidence to show that you can be happier by managing your thoughts, which then alters your feelings, resulting in whatever state of mind you’re trying to achieve. Yeah, that doesn’t sound convoluted at all,l does it?

Happiness is not something anyone can tell you how to reach. I have no clue what it means to you; I haven’t even figured out what it means to me. However, I know what it’s not, and sometimes that’s the best first step. Whatever you do, don’t follow someone else’s idea of happiness, nor should you believe that if you don’t reach it, you’re somehow lacking. That’s ridiculous.

If things need to change in your life for you to feel what you believe is happiness, then do it. Sometimes it’s easy; most of the time, it’s hard. Often, things you need to change are highly dependent on the behavior of others.

Which brings me to expectations. That’s a big word with a lot packed into it. We have expectations of ourselves, whether good, bad, or indifferent. But we also know that others have expectations of us. Ironically, those are much harder to manage because often we don’t know what they are.

People always have expectations of us, but most never share them. We walk around in a constant state of confusion, never really knowing if we’re meeting those expectations or not. It could be a partner, a coworker, a boss, a family member, or whoever. But regardless of the origin, you have two choices.

You can either ask someone, point-blank, what they expect of you and respond as you see fit. Or, you can live your best life and not worry about it. I’m always operating in a combination of both of those things. There are some whose expectations we would likely always going to want to know. That’s probably because they may be closer to us than others, or how we behave or respond to something directly affects their lives in some way. So it’s important that they tell us their expectations. Otherwise, there’s no way we could possibly do anything about them.

Of course, there’s always the very real possibility we can’t do anything about these situations anyway. Some people’s expectations can be entirely unrealistic, even the ones we have of ourselves. That brings me to the final concept – acceptance.

Do you know the Serenity Prayer? While I’m not one to hang my hat on prayers to get through my day, the idea of accepting things that you can’t change, over which you have no control. It’s good advice. Now, if only I could follow it at those times.

When my father died, I was forced to accept it. Five years later, I’m still trying to accept that we did everything possible to properly care for him. Ironically, that’s harder to accept than his passing. Sadly, that’s how it works sometimes. Acceptance can often be simultaneously invaluable and fleeting. However, acceptance also needs to include the positives in life.

I regularly temper my acceptance when good things happen. Part of me always assumes something will come along and mess it up. I spend a great deal of time at odds with that dark, pessimistic side of myself. But, slowly, cautiously, I’m learning to “let it land,” and take the win.

The pursuit of happiness, how we handle expectations, and striving toward some level of acceptance are all incredibly challenging. Each affects every aspect of our lives. Inevitably, it’s your choice how to handle them.