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Posts Tagged ‘xenia’

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The Coffee Shop Roundtable

In Opinion, psychology, Senior Lifestyle, sociology, Uncategorized on February 24, 2024 at 8:19 am

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

The other day, I was sitting in a coffee shop when I overheard a conversation between four senior gentlemen at the nearby table. Based on their appearance, I guessed they were in their late 70s, active and clear-minded. The cold Ohio winter had them dressed appropriately in jeans, heavy walking shoes, sweaters, down jackets, and winter caps. These men obviously knew each other quite well and shared common interests.

It was not my intention to eavesdrop, but they were talking loudly enough you could pick up their voices from well across the shop. Anyone could see this meeting was a crucial part of their social life. One of them even mentioned how much he enjoyed getting together regularly and noted how much he learned from the others.

In fact, they all seemed to relish the conversation, which covered a wide range of topics from sports to live theater. I found a brief interaction they had about The Phantom of the Opera of particular interest. While some topics, like the state of American politics, sparked more spirited discussion, they remained respectful and considerate towards one another.

The Algonquin Roundtable

At one point, one of them told a detailed story about how he’d been working on the roof of his home. Suddenly, he found himself stranded up there because his ladder had fallen. He called out for his wife, but she apparently didn’t hear, which left him there for some time. Fortunately, all worked out for the best, and through the laughter, his comrades were giving him a good bit of grief about fooling around on a roof “at his age.” I imagined their adult children giving each of them the same speech in a more serious tone, only to be ignored later.

We occupied one corner of the shop for about an hour, though I believe my subjects had been there for a while before I arrived. They’ll never know it, but they gave me back a moment from my childhood.

When I was around 10, Dad occasionally took me for breakfast at the small diner where my mother waitressed (her word). Early each morning, a group of movers and shakers from our tiny farm town arrived, one at a time, and occupied the same corner booth. 

The pack was usually a mix. Among them, you might find some combination of the local banker, a town doctor, the police chief, the undertaker, the barber, or even the mayor. As they drained one pot of Joe after another, they discussed whatever came up, solved all the world’s problems, and, of course, kept those solutions to themselves. If only they’d just told someone how to do it. It was like the small-town equivalent of the Algonquin Roundtable.

That gathering was far more than social, and the booth’s occupants probably weren’t as ancient as they would have appeared to me when I was a boy. But this was a staple for all of them, a necessary gathering of the minds that continued until each of them was too elderly or infirm to attend.

These days, you might see a mix of people, men, and women, even varying ages, who do the same thing – a regular gathering with no other purpose but to share stories, discuss world affairs, or just complain about the weather. Whatever it is, it’s good for the psyche – and your overall health.

There are countless studies on the benefits of socialization as we get older. Strangely enough, many seniors, either due to depression, their living situation, or choice, often prefer isolation. My parents weren’t big socializers, though my mom enjoyed family parties and time with her siblings. Dad, not so much. Their “roundtable” consisted simply of family and a few close friends. I’d say I’m more like Dad, though I hope a little less self-isolating. I’ve never been particularly comfortable in social situations.

However, I have managed to learn how to deal with my own social anxiety. I think I’m better at socializing than I used to be. As a child, I wouldn’t have understood the importance and value of the coffee shop roundtable to those who were there. But as I rocket towards 60, I’m starting to understand and appreciate the importance and necessity of those connections.

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Remember, it’s just a game.

In Children and Family, Opinion, sociology, Sports News, Uncategorized on February 24, 2024 at 7:52 am

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

I’m not much of a sports fan, nor was I ever a competitive athlete in school. I did, however, spend two horrific summers in Little League baseball. I’m still trying to figure out whose bright idea that was because it certainly wasn’t mine. I was, instead, a band nerd. I weathered four years in the freezing cold at Friday night football, cursing every touchdown as I peeled my frozen saxophone reed from my lip before honking out the school fight song.

That said, there is no irony lost in that I ended up a hockey parent. My stepson played from a young age through college and into the minor league pros. In hockey, I always expect a good knock-down-drag-out. What’s the old saying? “I went to a fight, and a hockey game broke out.” Usually, the uproar was confined to the ice.

But when some of the parents got nasty, wow, look out. They can get pretty fired up regardless of the sport. They shout at the kids, the other parents, the officials, everyone. Sometimes, things come to fisticuffs, and that usually involves the cops. Although some of the altercations are between parents and other bystanders, most of that very public anger and frustration is directed at the coaches and officials – and it’s worsening. 

A recent story by USA Today reported the results of a survey by the National Association of Sports Officials (NASO). It showed that 69 percent of men and women from every level of sports said the issue of poor sportsmanship is getting worse. More than 50 percent of them said they have often felt unsafe just doing the job.

As if it’s not hard enough to get people to volunteer for things, I’m told that recruiting officiators for youth sports has become more difficult for this very reason. One man even shared that he was once followed to his car by a parent after a night game and threatened in the parking lot.

In the last decade, confrontations between spectators and officials have become increasingly threatening and violent. In October of 2023, Shaquille Latimore of St. Louis, a coach of 9 and 10-year-olds in youth football, was shot four times by a parent who was angry about his son’s playing time.

As it turns out, some parents see coaches and officials as obstacles to their kids’ athletic careers. Often, parents will make every effort to remove them from that path of high achievement, even if that means violence. Fortunately, Coach Latimore survived. But, seriously, people?

Some of you probably think your kid will be the next superstar, and you don’t want anything to get in their way. But we shouldn’t need police as additional referees on the sidelines, so what gives?

Even if the parents aren’t overtly violent or threatening the safety of the officials, they often still feel the need (or entitlement) to inject themselves into the game. We’ve all had to contend with that obnoxious parent constantly shouting at the players, coaches, and referees. It’s unnerving, and don’t get me started about the poor example it is to the kids.

Most of us want the best for our children regardless of their chosen path. But some parents are just over the top. Fortunately, my stepson finished college, played for the pros for several years, and recently retired from hockey. He does some coaching now, so he must deal with all kinds of parents – the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I can’t imagine how things have deteriorated since I was up there watching his games, so I’m glad to be out of that environment. But, if you’re still hip-deep, here’s what I suggest to improve the experience for yourself and the kids.

Listen (or rather, read) very closely. This is the best advice I can give you. Sit down and shut up. You read that right. Ignore the angry loudmouth across the bleachers, mind your business, and focus on your child’s game. And please, for the love of Mike, let the officials do their jobs, stop swearing at them, and stay out of it. After all (and I realize some of you won’t like hearing this, but) … it’s just a game.

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Greene County is Unplugging on March 1, 2024. We Hope You Will Too!

In Children and Family, Dayton Ohio News, Health, Media, psychology, Technology, Uncategorized on February 22, 2024 at 11:35 am

GREENE COUNTY, OH —Do you spend a lot of time scrolling through social media, watching short videos, commenting on, or reacting to various posts? Do you have multiple cell phones? Are you documenting every move, event, and emotion on social media platforms and find it hard to get through a meaningful conversation without adding to your story? Are you mindlessly scrolling through YouTube videos, chatting on Discord or other apps? We miss out on the valuable and meaningful moments of our lives as we pass the hours with our faces buried in our smart phones, documenting every move through social media and shielding ourselves from the outside world, where real connections and memories are made.

If you notice these mannerisms in yourself – or your friends & family, the Disconnect to Connect Coalition would like to invite you to commit to the Global Day of Unplugging (GDU) right here in Greene County from sundown on March 1 through sundown on March 2.

We invite you to encourage those around you – your business colleagues, your students, your co-workers, your neighbors, your family, and your friends to take this day and carve out precious time to unplug, relax, reflect, be active, visit the outdoors, and connect with loved ones. We ask that you share a message about Global Day of Unplugging on your marquis sign if available, tell your friends and neighbors, share it in a newsletter, announce it on the radio, or any other way that you can think of to get the message out. Use the hashtag #GreeneCountyUnplugged and share our daily posts from our social media platforms.

We hope you will join us in this effort county-wide on March 1, 2024! Ideas to Unplug:

  • Join up with Greene County Parks and Trails and take a walk in the woods
  • Go on a scavenger hunt
  • Have lunch with a friend you haven’t seen in a long time
  • Ride a bike
  • Bake some cookies
  • Volunteer at the Food Pantry
  • Grab some sidewalk chalk and help your kids get creative
  • Blow and pop some bubbles
  • Create a joke jar
  • Plan an evening out with friends for dinner and/or a comedy club experience
  • Host a game night with cards or board games
  • Host a spa night

Disconnect to Connect (D2C) is a committee made up of professionals from several different county organizations, including Greene County Public Health, the Greene County Educational Service Center, Mental Health and Recovery Board of Clark, Greene and Madison Counties, Greene County Children Services, Greene County Family & Children First, and the Greene County Public Library. The group was developed to tackle the concerns of parents, educators, and community members about the effect of digital devices on the mental health and well-being of our youngest community members.

For more information or questions, please call 937-374-5669 or email lfox@gcph.info

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Food allergies are no yolk!

In Children and Family, Food, Health, Opinion, sociology, Uncategorized on January 7, 2024 at 12:46 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

“Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast. And they’d feast! And they’d feast! And they’d FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! They would feast on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast beast.” – Dr. Seuss’s “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”

Admit it. You just read that in Boris Karloff’s voice, didn’t you? But what if you’re the one Who, for whom a feast could be a culinary minefield? What if you’re the Who who’s allergic to the Who-pudding and rare Who-roast beast?

If you’re like me and the other 26 million Americans who suffer from food allergies, holiday buffets can be a dangerous foray into the unknown. Food allergies might be lampooned on your favorite sitcom, but there’s nothing funny about them. It’s true that most result in mild skin irritation or digestive discomfort, but many are life-threatening.

Within seconds, an exposed victim can experience severe swelling of the throat and larynx, constricting their airway, and even suffer anaphylactic shock. In these situations, quick medical attention is vital.

Whether you’re a member of the allergy club or not, it’s probably a good idea to learn about food allergy causes, symptoms, and first aid. Some of the most common foods people are allergic to include cow’s milk, eggs, fish, shellfish, tree nuts, peanuts, strawberries, wheat, soybeans, and sesame. These are certainly not the only ones, and you might not even know you’re allergic to anything until it hits you.

Just because you weren’t allergic to something as a kid doesn’t mean you won’t be as a grownup. For about half of food allergy sufferers, the affliction didn’t develop until adulthood. I only recently discovered my own allergy to kiwi fruit and cantaloupe. For years, I thought cantaloupe was supposed to burn the inside of your mouth. You know, like a spice or something? Idiot.

Processed food contains a plethora of dangerous ingredients, and most allergens are printed on pre-packaged food labels. Unfortunately, depending on the amount, some ingredients might not be listed. For example, it’s still common for some labels to omit sesame among potential allergens. A Google search might show detailed ingredient lists or allergy warnings for specific products. Otherwise, steer clear altogether.

If you or someone in your family suffers from food allergies, I can offer a few tips to help navigate the holidays, and the first one is a no-brainer. Since many holiday gatherings are potlucks, you can bring your own safe food and avoid everything else. Or you could host the event yourself for peace of mind. If you do host, label the dishes, and maybe, if you want to be an allergy-safe superhero, provide a full list of ingredients.

For children, carry safe food, or see to their plate for them. Kids also seem especially sensitive to nuts, and holiday goodies are full of them, so keep an eye out. To avoid cross-contamination, use disposable utensils to serve yourself or carry your own flatware. Trust me, it’s worth the trouble.

Incidentally, some people are quite sensitive about publicly outing their allergies. For instance, I am allergic to eggs. But I’d rather not discuss it because I feel like a freak. If it comes up, I get bombarded with questions like, “Can you have cookies? Bread? Pancakes? What do you eat for breakfast?” And on and on. People just can’t leave it alone.

I understand they’re curious and trying to be helpful. But the nature of the allergy can be difficult to explain (although I really shouldn’t have to), and it doesn’t affect anyone but me. I never ask hosts to alter their menu or anything they’ve planned. I simply avoid those foods that might be dangerous or questionable.

For the food-allergic out there or their caregivers, you might want to ask your primary care physician if you should carry a preloaded epinephrine injector (otherwise known as an “EpiPen”). If your allergic reaction were to cause respiratory distress, it might be a good idea to be prepared. A food sensitivity test might also help.

Food allergies don’t have to wreck the halls – or any other occasion. All you need is a little preplanning so that no one turns as green as the Grinch after a helping of your famous Who hash.

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GCCOA Hosts Memory Loss Presentation

In Children and Family, Dayton Ohio News, Health, Local News, psychology, Science, Senior Lifestyle, Uncategorized on January 4, 2024 at 1:47 pm

The Greene Count Council on Aging is hosting a free memory loss information session titled, “Is It Dementia?” The event will be held at 2:30 PM, on Wednesday, January 10th, at the Xenia Community Center, 1265 W. Second St., in Xenia. Seating is limited, so please call 937-376-5486 or email YourFriends@gccoa.org to reserve yours.

From the GCCOA information:

We all experience memory loss at one time or another and many of us are fearful of what it might mean. Is it ‘normal’ memory loss or is it caused by dementia, such as Alzheimer’s disease?

Experts will answer your questions, address your concerns, discuss the types of dementia and explore things to consider as a caregiver or someone wanting to learn more about memory loss and dementia.

From the editor: For more on dementia, here is a study from Columbia University’s Irving Medical Center – https://www.cuimc.columbia.edu/news/one-10-older-americans-has-dementia

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Deer in … headlights.

In Business, Health, Local News, Opinion, State News, Uncategorized on December 29, 2023 at 9:10 am

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

A few weeks ago, I was driving along minding my own business when a deer decided it would be a great time to remodel the front end of my pickup truck. It was dark but I was neither sleepy nor distracted yet saw nothing in advance of the collision. The animal seemed to come from out of nowhere. There was a loud, metallic bang, a hard shudder, and the hood of my truck popped straight up in front of the windshield.

Fortunately, I could see well enough around the hood to get the vehicle to the side of the road. Once I stopped and the dust had settled, the first words that entered my mind were, “So that happened.”

I called 911 to report the accident, and no irony was lost on either me or the dispatcher about a guy named Deer hitting a deer. Not to worry, she was great and sent an officer right away. If you have followed my column, you know this was certainly not my first traffic accident, nor was it the most serious. It was, however, my second deer strike in about four years. Enough, already. I’ve met my quota now, right?

Here’s a photo of Gery’s Ford F-150 truck from this article. It was totaled.

I think I was most upset because I had recently paid off the loan on the truck and, just that morning, even ordered new tires. Ever the optimist, I remember I laughed out loud and said to nobody, “Well, at least I don’t have to buy the tires now.” Like they say, onward and upward, right?

Hitting a deer on an Ohio roadway is almost a rite of passage. I’m surprised our driver’s education classes don’t include a section detailing what to do after a deer strike. I can hear it now, in the best 1970s filmstrip narrator’s voice. “After you have hit the animal, get out to see if it’s still alive. Oh, it’s a six-pointer! Be careful. Those antlers are sharp!” Then, it would go on to tell you to call the police and decide what to do with the carcass.

Here in the Buckeye state, if you hit a deer with your car, you’re entitled to keep it. What you do with it after that is entirely up to you. The first time it happened to me, the responding police officer asked if I wanted the carcass, and I said no. Then she said, “Well, you’ll need to decide which of the guys arguing over it gets to take it home.” Seriously? I told her to flip a coin. In hindsight, I should have sold it to one of them. After all, I was out a truck, and they got free venison.

Between hunters flushing them out of the woods into the road and people feeding them on the back porch, deer strikes are becoming more problematic every year. I read an Ohio highway statistic that vehicles had hit more than 13,000 deer in 2022. I can believe that. The day the body shop picked up my truck, the flatbed driver told me he’d hauled four other deer-damaged vehicles just that afternoon. With an overall deer population in the state just under 800,000, I’m surprised the accident tally is so low.

What can you do to avoid hitting a deer? Unfortunately, there’s no easy answer. The problem with deer is that they’re jittery, indecisive, and never travel alone. Trying to outguess them will get you hurt or worse.

The best things you can do are buckle up, drive with your bright beams on in rural or wooded areas, and always remember when you see one, there are always others. By the way, those deer whistles that you stick to the grill don’t work — a siren, maybe, but not those.

Above all, avoid distractions while driving, especially at night. No text, call, or cigarette is that important. Put that stuff down and pay attention to the road. Trust me, it takes only an instant for everything to change.

Although my truck was totaled, it was at least large enough to protect me. I have seen deer go up the hood and crash through the windshield, seriously injuring the driver and passengers. So, please watch out for those… deer in headlights.

Publication Notices: Deer In Headlines and Deer In Headlines II are media properties of Gery L. Deer and GLD Enterprises Communications, Ltd., who is also the copyright holder. The product is distributed via The Jamestown Comet.com (A property of GLD Communications), and by Green County Newspapers / The Xenia Daily Gazette by special permission.

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Don’t Panic!

In Books, Education, Entertainment, Health, Opinion, psychology, Uncategorized on October 17, 2023 at 7:50 am

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Don’t panic! That’s rarely what you want to hear at those crazy moments when, odds are panicking is exactly the thing you should be doing. The dictionary defines “panic” as a sudden, uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinking behavior. Reactions vary widely, from a little nervousness to a full-on panic attack, complete with hyperventilation, rapid pulse, excessive perspiration, and much more.

Fortunately, I’ve never really been someone who panics. I’m generally calm in high-stress situations. Adrenaline probably creates a false sense of clarity and focus. I would say I’ve experienced anxiety, tension, and worry, but nothing I would call panic. It made me wonder, what makes you panic? It’s likely that you’re not alone in your apprehension. So, here are some things that commonly make people panic.

Number one on the list, meeting the potential in-laws for the first time. This is a great one. Symptoms include sweaty palms, a terrible sense of inadequacy, and the feeling that you just swallowed a lizard – and it desperately wants to come back up.

Next up is the dreaded job interview. You spend the days and hours ahead of the big moment researching, reading self-help blogs about how to prepare for interviews, and generally freak out. And talk about sweaty palms, you nearly break into a human sprinkler system just sitting in the lobby waiting for your turn. That bouncing knee, what even causes that?

What about being stuck in an elevator? Do you panic then? It might be comforting to know that fewer than 50 people die in elevator-related accidents every year in the United States. Fatalities range from falling cars to being caught in the doors between floors. Gruesome! But, what are the odds of you being one of those people? You have a better chance of being hit by lightning or winning the lottery, now that should bring on some panic.

You’re lazily riding your bicycle down the street and suddenly realize the neighbor’s Jack Russel is out and has slipped his tether. There is nothing more panic-inducing than a small dog chasing you on a bike. I never worry about the big dogs; they give up at the end of the driveway. But the little ones, oh dear! Just pedal faster and don’t turn around!

A first date. More sweaty palms, overthinking your clothes, and whether your car is cool enough to impress your date. Will you say the wrong thing, talk too much, or manage to seem interesting enough to get a second date? So much at stake and yet nothing at all.

Something I never thought of before – automatic flushers in public bathrooms. My niece shared with me that some people are afraid that the toilet will flush while they’re sitting on it. It’s the anticipation of when the flush happens that apparently induces the anxiety.

Oh, and remember the panic you felt back in grade school that accompanied report card day? (Yes, I’m old. Grade reports were once on paper.) Brow-soaking worry would set in about the grades the comments be, and, above all, will Mom or Dad sign it.

Vacation is supposed to be a relaxing, fun time with family and friends, a break from stress and worry. So, imagine you’re out on the open road and you just passed the first exit you’ve seen for hours and, suddenly, your car’s “low fuel” light comes on. The gas gage is bouncing on “E” and now you start to worry. Will you make it to the next exit? Your car isn’t fancy enough to have the estimated fuel and mileage indicator so you’re in the dark. How much gas do you have left? Can you make it to the next exit?

What else can induce panic? How do you combat those feelings? Sometimes you can avoid things, but often, you just have to face whatever it is, head on, and move forward. Panic is caused by feelings spun up by thoughts. When I feel anxious or worried, I do my best to try to alter my thoughts, which, hopefully, will change my feelings and I can remain calm. Maybe you can find some practice that will help you do the same.

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A House Divided

In Dayton Ohio News, Education, finances, Food, Health, history, Local News, News Media, Opinion, Politics, psychology, Senior Lifestyle, Uncategorized on September 2, 2023 at 2:47 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

When I restarted this series after a 5-year hiatus, I decided to steer away from politics, religion, and other hot-button topics in favor of more personal subjects. That said, I’ll dip a toe into that pool only enough to express my concern at the level of divisiveness now facing our country and who actually pays the price for it.

The political climate in America today is toxic, with no end in sight. Everything is viewed only from one side by an ill-informed, angry citizenry and uncompromising elected, uncivilized government officials. Over the long haul, we simply can’t function that way. Our legislators must work together in order to govern, even to manage the most basic issues. Unfortunately, that seems unlikely to change when the only people getting attention are the radical extremists.

Regardless of your ethnic background, or whether you’re conservative, liberal, or whatever, surely there are things we can all agree on, right? For instance, instead of spending hours on cable TV news bickering about who caused inflation, wouldn’t our collective energy be better spent on ways to help people get through it? Meanwhile, our dedicated elected officials spend taxpayer money riding around in limousines, secure in their healthcare, paychecks, and benefits, all guaranteed long after they’ve left office.

More absurd is that, in the most powerful and wealthiest country on Earth, there are still people who can’t get enough food, shelter, or other necessities – particularly the elderly, veterans, and children. No, it’s beyond absurd, it’s criminal. This problem affects everyone. The number of working poor continues to grow, most of my family included. Most people are only a paycheck or two from ruin. All it takes is one major catastrophe and boom, we’re on the street. Regardless, people from every side are too busy waving flags and hating each other’s politics to care or do anything about it.

Recently, I did some work at a food pantry and had the opportunity to learn more about the mission of these organizations. I am shocked about how necessary they are in so many communities. In just one year, the number of families served might double, so they must continually find new ways to meet the constantly growing demand.

You might be surprised to know that the people who most need services like this are not homeless or indigent. They are instead the working poor, single-parent families, and, sadly, veterans. No one should feel ashamed of taking help from those who offer it. But I can’t imagine how hard must be for someone who proudly served our country and then is forced to go to a food pantry just to have enough to eat.

The number of military families and veterans who need various types of assistance is also surprising. They include elderly or disabled veterans, military wives and husbands with young children trying to make ends meet while their spouses are deployed, families of all ages and backgrounds, and the kids, wow. Watching a child’s eyes light up over a book or something as simple as a Twinkie or a fresh piece of fruit can be simultaneously enlightening and heartbreaking.

Again, while the politicians ride around in limousines and kowtow to mindless followers during ridiculous cult-like rallies, the people they claim to be fighting for wait in lines at food pantries. They have no money, little healthcare, and a veteran affairs system that’s so broken it needs to be razed and rebuilt from the ground up.

These issues aren’t conservative or liberal, Muslim, Jewish, or Christian. We are so blinded by ridiculous ideologies and political divisiveness that we can’t see the real responsibilities facing our country – poverty, homelessness, substance abuse, an ever-changing job market, and so much more. Certainly, we could all get together on some of these things. Nope, it’s just not going to happen.

The people I meet in these situations don’t want handouts. They want to be understood and for their elected legislature to work for not against them. But until we put down the flags, turn off the news, and choose to be better human beings, nothing will change. So, all I have left to say is to quote my favorite president. “A house divided cannot stand.”

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You’ve got this.

In Children and Family, Opinion, psychology, Uncategorized on August 28, 2023 at 10:25 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

If you have followed my series for a while, you know that I dealt with a lot of health problems growing up. From birth, until I was about 21, I had around 200 different procedures and surgeries. Some were experiments, with unknown outcomes, and others were common procedures as some type of intermittent step from point A to point B. Some went perfectly, others did not. Something that I learned through all of that was a fierce sense of what I’m going to call determination.

That determination came from a confidence, not in myself, but in the physicians, my parents, and my family. Not for one second did I ever doubt I would make it through something, even with talk like, “This procedure may limit his ability to walk,“ or, “Recovery could take up to a year,” or my favorite, “This one’s pretty involved“ – like the others weren’t? Yeah, sometimes it didn’t sound too good, but everyone kept reassuring me and, to my kid brain and blind faith in those looking after me, I knew everything would be alright.

As a child, the only dependable sources for accurate information and support are the adults around you. It’s not like your playground friends could be much help. Most of mine didn’t even understand what was going on with me – and didn’t care. Such ignorance generated the incredible amount of bullying that I endured (kids are awful). The irony was, none of the hurtful things they said about me had any basis in fact. Actually, most were downright science fiction. But, through all that, I still believed all would eventually be OK. No, it was more than that. The truth is no other outcome ever crossed my mind. This was my world and I would get through it.

Today, I carry that same fortitude, grit, or determination; call it what you will. I’ve experienced my share of depression as an adult, mostly related to the deaths of my parents. But, for the most part, I am just not wired to perseverate on negatives. I realize the good in a problem may be pretty hard to find, but it’s there. It’s not about being a “glass half-full” kind of person, but rather I prefer to be a realist. I look at all the negatives and I’m firmly aware of everything that can go wrong (or already has). Dwelling on all of that will not change the outcome one bit, but it will keep me from having the energy to fight through it.

I’m afraid I don’t have your answers and positive thinking is simply not enough. We all have to try to find proof within ourselves that life is worth living. Even the bright spots are buried deep down you have to try to recognize them. I always say that some part of me fought to survive to this point, so I would just be letting myself down if I give up now.

The bad news is, I don’t know how to tell you to do any of that. And I have more bad news for you – neither do any of the self-help gurus. They’re all throwing out a bunch of dimestore psychobabble. They wrap it in rainbows and sunshine, drop it between the covers of a badly-written book, and advertise it to you on Amazon for $23.95. But, for all of that, they really have no answers. Here’s a secret, though – you may already have the answers you need. Yes, you will have to make the effort and take the time to find them.

That may be really, really hard, and anyone who says otherwise is full of crap. We all face things that we think we can’t get through, and some of them we don’t – the residuals of those events stay with us. Life is hard but it is not impossible. If you leave the gate thinking the race is lost, then what hope is there? So, for what it’s worth from me, whatever’s going on, I know you can handle it – and so do you. Hang in there. Find your bright spot, hold onto it, and don’t let anybody deter you. You’ve got this.

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We weren’t always old.

In Local News, Opinion, psychology, Senior Lifestyle, Uncategorized on July 14, 2023 at 6:08 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

An elderly gentleman sat quietly in a wheelchair, hunched and feeble, and his tired eyes peered through thick, smudged glasses. What remained of probably a head full of dark, wavy locks now lay in thin, white whisps. A young woman in a healthcare uniform sat next to him, smiling as she helped him eat some pudding from a small plastic cup. He looked longingly at the family sitting across the room entertaining what he assumed was a grandparent. His thoughts wandered back, 30, 40, and 50 years, to the days of his youth, as a young husband and father.

He remembered the excitement of family vacations, the birth of his first child, his first job and promotion, and buying their first home. So many things had happened, so much time, so much life, so many had gone on before him, so many yet to come. To him, just a moment ago, he was a young man, but now… He glanced again at the family, and around the room at the other residents of the nursing home.

“We weren’t always old,” he whispered under his breath, a single tear sliding from beneath his heavy glasses. The woman continued to give him the snack until the cup was empty. A moment later, he’d dozed off and she was pushing his chair back to his room.

I saw countless scenes like this while I cared for my parents. Life has a way of teaching us things, whether we are willing students or not. As we age, begin to understand pearls of wisdom shared by our parents, grandparents, and teachers. Somehow, the man’s lament of “we weren’t always old,” stuck a chord with me. I wasn’t either.

For some reason, the young seem to ignore the person behind the white hair, walkers, and wrinkles. Somewhere in there is the person they once were, young, vibrant, active, and productive. They were actors, writers, salespeople, teachers, police officers, musicians, mothers, lawyers, doctors, and so much more. They were somebody, and we should never forget it!

Everyone’s got that grandparent, aunt, or uncle, who sits in the corner at holiday dinners telling stories of the old days, but almost no one listens. They’ve heard the stories over and over as if the person’s mind is locked into that point in their life history. I learned a lot about my dad while I was caring for him. He would sit and tell me stories as we worked a puzzle or watched an old western on TV. I tried hard to understand who he was beyond the man I knew as my father. I’m not sure many people ever do that with their senior family.

As we age, we are still people, still individuals. We can still dream, imagine, love, care, create, understand, learn, and grow, but the system doesn’t always let us. Eventually, we will outlive our societal usefulness. We’re parked in Hell’s waiting room as our relatives wait to argue about who gets the junk we leave behind. It’s no wonder our minds retreat to better days. It’s ridiculous, and it’s pretty sad. There is so much to learn from our seniors, so much history, life lessons, and experience, all of which would benefit us to learn and absorb.

It’s strange how we treat the elderly in this country. In government, we routinely elect and re-elect people who stay in power for decades, until they finally age out to illness or die in office. Most are still holding political office many years after corporate America would have shown them the door. But most of the rest of us are “put out to pasture” at what is arguably a very young age. Illness notwithstanding, senior citizens still have a great deal to offer. They should be the schoolteachers, counselors, and mentors.

 Our society might be in better shape if our youth paid more attention to the mistakes and successes of past generations instead of constantly trying to reinvent the wheel. So, my advice to the younger folks out there is simple – spend more time with the older folks in your lives. Pay attention to their stories – listen and learn. You never know, you both may learn something!