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Archive for the ‘psychology’ Category

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Social Microcosms

In Opinion, psychology, sociology, television on June 1, 2024 at 9:56 am

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Have you ever considered a microcosm? Chances are you haven’t, but we are exposed to them almost every day. Essentially, a microcosm is anything in miniature that represents something bigger. For our purposes, a microcosm is a small group or community whose characteristics represent a larger one.  

We see microcosms everywhere, and we’re usually unaware of them. Some are fictional, existing only in books, movies, television, and theatre. Others are happening around us, whether we’re integrated participants or outside observers. Let’s look at a couple of examples.

Consider the classic TV show “Gilligan’s Island,” which its creator, Sherwood Schwartz, referred to as a social microcosm. It featured seven characters, each representing a different socioeconomic position. Gilligan and the Skipper embodied the working class, while the Professor symbolized academia.

Mr. and Mrs. Howell (the millionaire and his wife) represented the elite, privileged upper crust. Mary Ann, a girl from the heartland, brought an earthy, grounded perspective, and Ginger, the movie star, added a touch of glamour.

Gilligan’s Island creator Sherwood Schwartz called the slapstick-laden sitcom of the 60s a “social microcosm” because of the socio-economic makeup of the characters.

Shipwrecked on an island in the middle of the Pacific, the writers put these people in absurdly improbable situations where each demonstrated their own inherent characteristics, however unrealistically. That’s where the comedy came from, and it worked.

Of course, to suspend the disbelief and immerse the viewer into the cartoon-like world, the show generally left out more realistic issues in such a situation. Problems like food, water, clothing, and shelter only arose when a comedic lack of some basic survival needs drove the story. But that’s TV. What about in real life? Where do microcosms exist day-to-day?

Recently, I found myself at a family birthday party in a local bowling alley. The guest of honor was turning 18, and a lively group of teenagers had gathered around the scoring console, ready for a game. As the afternoon progressed, the pitcher of soda ran dry, and the pizza had disappeared. Hunger pangs set in. (Kids eat a lot, wow!) With nothing else to do, I volunteered to make a snack bar run, setting the stage for an interesting observation of a real-life microcosm.

It was a Saturday afternoon, and the place was packed. Nearly every lane was occupied. As I walked along the service area at the back wall, past the shoe rental and pro shop, I suddenly noticed how much real life was happening all around me, and it all registered in my mind with sounds.

When I first realized what I was listening to, I literally froze for a moment. A woman nearly collided with me as she hurried along, balancing a pizza, drinks, and bowling shoes. I was so surprised by how I felt at the moment that I was compelled to step out of the foot traffic, close my eyes, and just listen.

Amidst the chaos, I focused on individual sounds. I heard the familiar thud as bowling balls dropped onto the hardwood floors and the dull rumble as each raced down the lane. Finally, the unmistakable crash of the pins as the ball hit them or the disheartening clunk if it dropped into the gutter.

Above pin resets, hand dryers, and clanking ball returns were the sounds of people living life. This was the microcosm of the moment—celebrations, first dates, families, young, old, and everyone in between.

I opened my eyes, looked around, and tried to put sight with sound. More birthday parties, a small child, with a ramp and dad’s help, making her first attempt to roll the ball. Neither she nor her parents will ever forget that day. A couple of lanes down, several older women chatted and crocheted between frames. One of the women working on a large afghan appeared to be winning.

I was standing among people from many different walks and stages of life. They all had one purpose, albeit the motivations were different. Everyone was there to enjoy the game, be with family and friends, and create lasting memories.

Eventually, I had to complete my mission and get the food back to our group before the teenagers ate their own shoes. But I can still hear those sounds and remember all the life that was being lived on that one normal day at the bowling alley.

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Gossip Column

In Local News, Opinion, psychology, sociology, Uncategorized on May 18, 2024 at 9:02 am

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Gossip. It’s an insidious phenomenon that always hurts people. Usually, gossip is inaccurate and degrades even more as it travels from person to person. Gossip is a destructive game of telephone that usually ends in the victim’s humiliation.

Gossip begins with someone sharing something confidential, saying, “Hey, just between you and me…” and so on. But it’s doubtful the information will remain a secret. The story inevitably spreads like air escaping a leaky tire.

Although there is debate about whether gossip is predominantly negative, nothing good comes from it. One study even suggests that gossipers tend to have a “darker” personality, uncaring about the social consequences of their behavior. Another offers the theory that we’re motivated by a need to bond with others in our social circles, keep ourselves entertained, vent emotions, and establish social status.

Low self-esteem seems to be a common theme among gossipers. They validate themselves by spreading news of others’ misfortunes and by sharing negative stories about people, reinforcing their imaginary superiority. 

All that sounds great academically. But, personally, I think people are just mean sometimes. They want to feel superior, so they start rumors and gossip to gain an upper hand—even if it’s all in imaginary. Ignorance probably plays a role, too. Those who spread gossip often believe the person at the story’s heart will never find out, so no harm done, right? Wrong. Trust me, they always find out.

In the past, gossip proliferated over the backyard fence or around the water cooler at work. However, with the advent of social media, gossip has taken on a new level, broadcasting misinformation to countless recipients at the speed of light. Clickbait is a perfect example of modern gossip-mongering, complete with a compelling story, video, and photos.

At this point, it’s probably important to clarify how I distinguish between gossip and rumor. Official definitions explain gossip as the spread of information that’s essentially true but likely unkind or hurtful. A rumor, on the other hand, is false information passed around without confirmation or conscience. However, I’m not convinced this distinction is always evident in practice. In my opinion, there’s very little difference between gossip and rumor, regardless of what old Mr. Webster says.

Regardless of your definition, one of the most important things to remember is how gossip affects the victim and how that affects the gossiper. In this context, the word “victim” refers to the person who is the subject or target of gossip. Since most of that information is false or intended to harm someone, that person is indisputably a victim. Although spreading gossip is not criminal, when those actions cause harm, there should be more severe consequences.

Victims of gossip can suffer devastating and long-lasting effects. I remember when I was in fifth grade, one of the bullies in my class made up a story about me that spread through our rural school like a bad case of Chicken Pox.

It was a painfully frustrating time for me. I already had to deal with being a 10-year-old adjusting to a strange new school. Simultaneously, however, I had to get good grades and spend every other waking minute defending myself against ridiculous lies.

Sometimes, gossip severely damages someone’s reputation or their livelihood. In such cases, it could be considered slander, and the harmed person may have a right to pursue legal action. The person who started the false information may be liable and must pay financial or other restitution.

We can’t control what others say about us, to whom, when, or how. At a time when misinformation and fake news are the norm, all we can do is abstain from its distribution. Think about it. Would you want someone gossiping about you, your business, coworkers, or your family?. Finally, remember that the best gossip is the kind you keep to yourself. And, if you hear gossip or the rumor mill is churning out something about someone close to you, do what you can to help put an end to it. I’ll close with a quote from the great Hee Haw Honeys song: “We’re not ones to go around repeating gossip. So, you’d better be sure to listen close the first time.”

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Our Parents, Ourselves

In Children and Family, Opinion, psychology, Uncategorized on March 1, 2024 at 12:53 pm

Deer In Headlines II
By Gery Deer

They came to the open houses and sat in the freezing cold at Friday night football, watching me high step across the field with the marching band. They scrounged the money for chemistry lab fees and ensured I had a ride to my 4-H meetings. Somehow, no matter how difficult things might have been for them, Mom and Dad were always there for us.

My mother was a force of nature, a five-foot-four powerhouse of the gentlest nature imaginable. She was creative, brilliant, strong, and vulnerable but never mean or judgmental, even if she was mad at you. And if she was mad, you didn’t have to guess.

Gery’s parents, Lois and Gary Sr., around 1996.

Dad was a whole different story. He was resourceful, smart, and could do anything with a truck or tractor. On the outside, he was confident and controlled. But inside, he was conflicted. They’d been together since high school, and he was thoroughly dependent on my mother for his sense of self and family. As Alzheimer’s took her from us, I watched him slip away, too.

Although we had a good relationship, growing up with my parents wasn’t always easy. Raising good parents never is (as my brother likes to say). Sometimes, it was their job to tell me I was wrong, and they never held back. The resistance they met was inborn, however. Generations of stubbornness wound through my genes like a snake through tree branches. We argued, I stomped off, grousing like a teenager does, and then it was forgotten – usually. The irritating part was that most of the time, they were right.

Gery with his brother, Gary Jr. (left) in 1997.

If you have siblings, each experiences the parent in a slightly different light. My brother, 15 years my senior, constantly reminds me of how tough he had it from our father. Dad was strict with him, almost to a suffocating level. Our dad’s mother died when he was just three, and our grandfather left. Since he was raised largely in poverty by an aunt and grandmother, his upbringing was remarkably different from how he raised us. My guess is that he maintained tight control over his firstborn out of fear and inexperience.

As for me, because of our age differences, Dad held more of a grandfatherly position, and my brother did most of the fatherly stuff. He taught me what I needed to be independent and helped ensure Dad didn’t overprotect me. I think it all worked out for the best, even if my brother is still a little bitter. Clearly, even a sibling can take a parental position when there is such a perceived generational difference.

But regardless of the relationship, I think most of us have a singular and somewhat distorted image of our parents. Whether our relationship with them was close, distant, tumultuous, or nonexistent, I believe we can forget that our parents are just people. Like you and me, they have flaws, failings, dreams, regrets, all of it. But we likely still see them only through one kind of lens. What’s worse is that the incomplete picture can become more distorted as they age.

My siblings and I were there as my parents aged became ill, and finally passed away. As I helped to care for them, I learned much more about who they were along the way. Growing up, I never imagined I’d have to take on all you do for your elderly parents. Showers, medical care, managing the finances; there can be so much you never expected. The experience was simultaneously rewarding and painful. We also grow more protective of them as they get older.

But we must keep in mind that, barring dementia or some other kind of mental illness, they’re still the kings and queens of their castles. If they’re dealing with health issues, mobility, whatever, we can and should help and let them be who they are, even if, as adults, we still don’t understand it.

Parents also need to realize that such a myopic view of the individual can go both ways. Our kids are more than we see, just as we are to them. In the end, we are all just trying to take care of each other as best we know how.

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The Coffee Shop Roundtable

In Opinion, psychology, Senior Lifestyle, sociology, Uncategorized on February 24, 2024 at 8:19 am

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

The other day, I was sitting in a coffee shop when I overheard a conversation between four senior gentlemen at the nearby table. Based on their appearance, I guessed they were in their late 70s, active and clear-minded. The cold Ohio winter had them dressed appropriately in jeans, heavy walking shoes, sweaters, down jackets, and winter caps. These men obviously knew each other quite well and shared common interests.

It was not my intention to eavesdrop, but they were talking loudly enough you could pick up their voices from well across the shop. Anyone could see this meeting was a crucial part of their social life. One of them even mentioned how much he enjoyed getting together regularly and noted how much he learned from the others.

In fact, they all seemed to relish the conversation, which covered a wide range of topics from sports to live theater. I found a brief interaction they had about The Phantom of the Opera of particular interest. While some topics, like the state of American politics, sparked more spirited discussion, they remained respectful and considerate towards one another.

The Algonquin Roundtable

At one point, one of them told a detailed story about how he’d been working on the roof of his home. Suddenly, he found himself stranded up there because his ladder had fallen. He called out for his wife, but she apparently didn’t hear, which left him there for some time. Fortunately, all worked out for the best, and through the laughter, his comrades were giving him a good bit of grief about fooling around on a roof “at his age.” I imagined their adult children giving each of them the same speech in a more serious tone, only to be ignored later.

We occupied one corner of the shop for about an hour, though I believe my subjects had been there for a while before I arrived. They’ll never know it, but they gave me back a moment from my childhood.

When I was around 10, Dad occasionally took me for breakfast at the small diner where my mother waitressed (her word). Early each morning, a group of movers and shakers from our tiny farm town arrived, one at a time, and occupied the same corner booth. 

The pack was usually a mix. Among them, you might find some combination of the local banker, a town doctor, the police chief, the undertaker, the barber, or even the mayor. As they drained one pot of Joe after another, they discussed whatever came up, solved all the world’s problems, and, of course, kept those solutions to themselves. If only they’d just told someone how to do it. It was like the small-town equivalent of the Algonquin Roundtable.

That gathering was far more than social, and the booth’s occupants probably weren’t as ancient as they would have appeared to me when I was a boy. But this was a staple for all of them, a necessary gathering of the minds that continued until each of them was too elderly or infirm to attend.

These days, you might see a mix of people, men, and women, even varying ages, who do the same thing – a regular gathering with no other purpose but to share stories, discuss world affairs, or just complain about the weather. Whatever it is, it’s good for the psyche – and your overall health.

There are countless studies on the benefits of socialization as we get older. Strangely enough, many seniors, either due to depression, their living situation, or choice, often prefer isolation. My parents weren’t big socializers, though my mom enjoyed family parties and time with her siblings. Dad, not so much. Their “roundtable” consisted simply of family and a few close friends. I’d say I’m more like Dad, though I hope a little less self-isolating. I’ve never been particularly comfortable in social situations.

However, I have managed to learn how to deal with my own social anxiety. I think I’m better at socializing than I used to be. As a child, I wouldn’t have understood the importance and value of the coffee shop roundtable to those who were there. But as I rocket towards 60, I’m starting to understand and appreciate the importance and necessity of those connections.

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Greene County is Unplugging on March 1, 2024. We Hope You Will Too!

In Children and Family, Dayton Ohio News, Health, Media, psychology, Technology, Uncategorized on February 22, 2024 at 11:35 am

GREENE COUNTY, OH —Do you spend a lot of time scrolling through social media, watching short videos, commenting on, or reacting to various posts? Do you have multiple cell phones? Are you documenting every move, event, and emotion on social media platforms and find it hard to get through a meaningful conversation without adding to your story? Are you mindlessly scrolling through YouTube videos, chatting on Discord or other apps? We miss out on the valuable and meaningful moments of our lives as we pass the hours with our faces buried in our smart phones, documenting every move through social media and shielding ourselves from the outside world, where real connections and memories are made.

If you notice these mannerisms in yourself – or your friends & family, the Disconnect to Connect Coalition would like to invite you to commit to the Global Day of Unplugging (GDU) right here in Greene County from sundown on March 1 through sundown on March 2.

We invite you to encourage those around you – your business colleagues, your students, your co-workers, your neighbors, your family, and your friends to take this day and carve out precious time to unplug, relax, reflect, be active, visit the outdoors, and connect with loved ones. We ask that you share a message about Global Day of Unplugging on your marquis sign if available, tell your friends and neighbors, share it in a newsletter, announce it on the radio, or any other way that you can think of to get the message out. Use the hashtag #GreeneCountyUnplugged and share our daily posts from our social media platforms.

We hope you will join us in this effort county-wide on March 1, 2024! Ideas to Unplug:

  • Join up with Greene County Parks and Trails and take a walk in the woods
  • Go on a scavenger hunt
  • Have lunch with a friend you haven’t seen in a long time
  • Ride a bike
  • Bake some cookies
  • Volunteer at the Food Pantry
  • Grab some sidewalk chalk and help your kids get creative
  • Blow and pop some bubbles
  • Create a joke jar
  • Plan an evening out with friends for dinner and/or a comedy club experience
  • Host a game night with cards or board games
  • Host a spa night

Disconnect to Connect (D2C) is a committee made up of professionals from several different county organizations, including Greene County Public Health, the Greene County Educational Service Center, Mental Health and Recovery Board of Clark, Greene and Madison Counties, Greene County Children Services, Greene County Family & Children First, and the Greene County Public Library. The group was developed to tackle the concerns of parents, educators, and community members about the effect of digital devices on the mental health and well-being of our youngest community members.

For more information or questions, please call 937-374-5669 or email lfox@gcph.info

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New Year’s Convolutions

In Dayton Ohio News, Local News, News Media, Opinion, psychology, Uncategorized on January 14, 2024 at 5:44 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Well, it’s New Year’s Day, and you’ve partied like it was 1999, which, as it turned out, wasn’t all that much to party about. You’ve shaken your booty, danced the night away, and watched a sickeningly expensive party favor lowered in ritual celebration.

Then, after the plop, plop, fizz, fizz, you’re ready to face the world. You’ll step up to new challenges, take on the gym and the boardroom, boldly go where … okay, you know the rest of it. Wait a minute, though. Why now? Where’s all this motivation coming from? Why didn’t you have it last year, which was like, you know, yesterday?

Well, unfortunately, many people misguidedly see the new year as the promise of a clean slate, a fresh start, or a time to take on new challenges. In the first couple of months, gym memberships go up, cigarette sales drop, healthier food will fill grocery carts, and a great many engagement rings will need to be resized. Sadly, much of this activity is the result of a convoluted, all-powerful, and yet pointless New Year’s resolution.

According to one study I read, more than 35 percent of adults set New Year’s resolutions, with a surprising majority on the young side, between 18 and 34. As you might imagine, of the list of most common resolutions, health-related choices hold the top 3 spots, with increased exercise as number one.

In most of the research I found, saving more money was one of the lead resolutions. That struck me as contradictory because to achieve many of the others, you generally spend more than you would have in the first place. For instance, gym memberships, travel, starting a new business, healthier eating (the high cost of which makes no sense to me), and even quitting your job require more money.

If you’re interested in demographics, women mostly want to engage in health-related change for themselves. At the same time, men focus more on achieving career ambitions and laying off the booze. Good goals, for sure. Unfortunately, things tend to… dry out, if you’ll excuse the pun.

As it turns out, only about 9 percent of resolutioners stay with it beyond the second year. Nearly 25 percent quit after the first week. That number increases to almost 65 percent by the end of the first month. Oddly, most people quit on the second Friday of that month, and it even has a name. The makers of Strava, a popular activity-tracking app among runners and cyclists, discovered that its use plummets on that day, so they named it, “Quitters Day.”

Seems pretty hopeless, doesn’t it? I mean, why bother trying to improve yourself if you know the statistics are totally against you, right? Well, it wouldn’t be Deer In Headlines without some sage, if not potentially useless, advice from me. So, here goes.

First, forget the New Year’s resolution nonsense. It’s a recipe for failure. Start by identifying small, attainable, and measurable goals that build to the big one. For example, if you want to lose weight, set a realistic goal and, in my opinion, don’t put a clock on it. Create a plan that includes smaller food portions and steps down sweets and high-fat food. But don’t go cold turkey and build in regular exercise – slowly.

The same goes for career moves, financial success, or anything else. Remember, you’re trying to make life changes that will stick, and that takes time and commitment. Yes, it’s really hard sometimes, and we are our own worst enemies. It’s okay to be scared. But be kind to yourself, especially if your progress feels slow. Don’t give up and adjust where needed.

Incidentally, I know you want support from family and friends. But, trust me, share what you’re doing only with the closest few. For all the pats on the back, there are just as many slaps in the face – especially on social media. Personal accountability may be difficult, but it results in the longest-lasting success.

Finally, ignore the resolution hype, give yourself a chance, and do the work. I promise that the challenge and results are worth it. Focus, plan, commit, get plenty of sleep, and have a safe and happy new year.

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TCN Behavioral Health Announces Opening of Second See U Now (“SUN”) Clinic

In Charities, Dayton Ohio News, Health, Local News, psychology, Uncategorized on January 11, 2024 at 9:07 am

TCN clients can now access SUN Clinics on Tuesdays from 1pm to 4pm and Fridays from 10am to 1pm.

Bellefontaine, Ohio – January 9, 2024 – TCN Behavioral Health Services, Inc. announces the opening of its second See U Now (or “SUN”) Clinic on Tuesday, January 9, 2024. The clinic, located physically in the Bellefontaine office at 118 Maple Avenue, will be open weekly on Tuesdays from 1pm to 4pm and can see clients both in person and via telehealth.

TCN’s first SUN Clinic opened on January 6, 2023 in TCN’s Xenia office, and in 2023 provided 434 services to 262 clients both in person and via telehealth. The SUN Clinic is intended to serve clients without a prior appointment as their need arises. A Clinic Coordinator works with the client to choose the services they wish to receive from a multi-disciplinary team of providers including nursing, psych, MAT, primary care, substance use and mental health counseling, case management and peer support. The Clinic accepts all payment options including Medicaid, Medicare, private insurance, and self-pay. As with all TCN services, local board funding is available for clients who qualify.

“TCN is always proud of our innovative practice to meet clients where they are, and the SUN Clinic is another example of this,” says TCN CEO Lori Strobl. “SUN’s motto is “nothing about you, without you” and its mission is to empower the client to be in control of their healthcare and truly partner with their clinical team.”

“We are very excited to welcome this new model of behavioral health care to our communities,” says Dr. Adam Sorensen, Executive Director of the Mental Health Drug & Alcohol Services Board of Logan & Champaign Counties. “TCN’s SUN Clinic approach has a proven track record, and it is a perfect example of TCN’s commitment to offering high-quality, person-centered care. We appreciate TCN’s ongoing partnership and willingness to be innovative with our shared goals of improving access and quality of care in our neighborhoods.” 

Founded in 1990, TCN Behavioral Health Services, Inc. is a comprehensive behavioral health agency dedicated to improving lives by providing clinically excellent and accessible behavioral health services.  TCN provides mental health, substance use and psychiatric services for adults and youth in Logan and Champaign counties.  For more information or to donate to TCN call (937)376-8700 or visit http://www.tcn.org.

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GCCOA Hosts Memory Loss Presentation

In Children and Family, Dayton Ohio News, Health, Local News, psychology, Science, Senior Lifestyle, Uncategorized on January 4, 2024 at 1:47 pm

The Greene Count Council on Aging is hosting a free memory loss information session titled, “Is It Dementia?” The event will be held at 2:30 PM, on Wednesday, January 10th, at the Xenia Community Center, 1265 W. Second St., in Xenia. Seating is limited, so please call 937-376-5486 or email YourFriends@gccoa.org to reserve yours.

From the GCCOA information:

We all experience memory loss at one time or another and many of us are fearful of what it might mean. Is it ‘normal’ memory loss or is it caused by dementia, such as Alzheimer’s disease?

Experts will answer your questions, address your concerns, discuss the types of dementia and explore things to consider as a caregiver or someone wanting to learn more about memory loss and dementia.

From the editor: For more on dementia, here is a study from Columbia University’s Irving Medical Center – https://www.cuimc.columbia.edu/news/one-10-older-americans-has-dementia

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Intentional Living

In Opinion, psychology, Uncategorized on November 3, 2023 at 11:02 am

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

There is a line in the movie “Apollo 13,” when Tom Hanks, as astronaut Jim Lovell, asks his crew, “Gentlemen, what are your intentions?” The question comes just after their spacecraft is crippled, no moon landing is possible, and they will be lucky if they can make it home.

That has always been one of my favorite movie lines because of its depth of meaning. Hanks’s character is really asking, “Do you intend to survive this?” More importantly, he’s saying, “I want to survive, and I’m ready to do what it’s going to take to get us home safely – are you?” I don’t know if it’s something Lovell really said during that fateful flight, but it certainly seems a likely inquiry on his part.

Intent is an important part of day-to-day living. People often speak of a life with purpose, but rarely about the intent even though it carries great weight in our society. In the legal world, it refers to the mental objective of our actions, one for which we can ultimately be held responsible.

I recently met a young woman named Kimberly Brown who started an online clothing business during the pandemic which she refers to as, “fashion with a purpose.” As an African-American woman concerned with the social struggles of the day, she wanted to offer those who shared that anxiety a unique way to express it. Under the brand she created, “I Am Intentional,” each item offers a message that is, as her website explains, “deeply rooted in social impact, empowerment, and inspiration.”

As she told me about the motivation behind this work, her passion and energy were inspirational, and no passing fad. She intends to be successful, which is a challenge. She already has a lot on her plate. Kimberly is a caregiver to her ailing mother, holds down a full-time job, and as well as operating a second side business.

It was clear that intent was at the very essence of her nature. To have such a clear presence of mind and understanding of purpose are rare qualities. But isn’t it possible that each of us has the capacity for such intentional living?

There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t look in the mirror and think, “What am I doing with my life and who am I helping?” Life shouldn’t be about mere survival, but neither must it have to be altruistic all the time either.

Personally, I believe intent requires conscious effort. According to the dictionary, the word means to be resolved or determined to do something. But I don’t think it’s that simple. Intention needs direction, purpose, and, above all, a plan.

To live intentionally I think you must first know where you’re coming from. What brought you to this point? Then you can identify your intentions and plan to carry them out.

If we go back to the “Apollo 13” quote, it’s clear that the character of Lovell was asking about the crew’s willingness to do what had to be done. But he was also making sure they understood their place in the plan that would ultimately save their lives. 

Nobody can tell you how to live intentionally. I believe that comes from within. It may spring from faith, morality, a sense of social justice, or whatever drives you. Everyone’s motivation will be different.

Needless to say, there is no amount of intent that will solve the world’s problems. But if your personal intention can be found and applied, you might change some things in your little corner of it. 

I will leave you to contemplate this story of Kimberly’s determination to make a statement in the world while giving others the opportunity to do the same with their own style and heart. Like her, we all face the day-to-day challenges of life, some good, others not so much. Sometimes simultaneously. Our intentions spring from how we deal with all those situations, our place in society, and our effect on the lives of others.

Like the crew of Apollo 13, sometimes we have to take a moment and ask the question before we can move forward. My question to you is, what are your intentions?

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Perception is reality

In Entertainment, Health, Opinion, psychology on October 24, 2023 at 12:46 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

British writer and theologian C.S. Lewis said, “What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are.” Put simply, reality is based, not on fact, but instead on our personal perception of what we see and hear.  That said, it’s been my experience that not everyone has the same perception of reality.

Generally, I would imagine most of us trust our senses to deliver an accurate view of the world around us and then depend on our cognitive reasoning to help us comprehend it. It’s commonly known as, “perception.” Whatever the term, it simply means our view of things depends on how we interpret our surroundings. For instance, if I see a blue sky with clouds drifting by, I assume everyone else sees it too, right? Colorblindness notwithstanding, that all stands to reason.

But we all know people who walk around in more of an oblique version of reality. Often their reality is negative, dark, and painful, not to mention staggeringly inaccurate. Here’s what I mean. We all have a friend or family member who always seems to have it worse than everyone else. Regardless of how bad your case of the flu was last week; his experience was near death. Of course, it wasn’t, but that’s how he relates it to you.

This is known as catastrophizing and tends to be associated with various personality disorders. It can mean that the person behaves and thinks in ways that would be considered different than normal. And yes, I get that normal is relative and subjective. But here, I’m referring to someone with a mental health issue who is exhibiting behavior contrary to acceptable – or safe – social standards.

Sometimes those thoughts and emotions are caused by traumatic experiences and manifest themselves in other ways. I’m not a psychologist, but I do know that borderline personality disorder, for example, might include a strong fear of abandonment. It can cause the individual to always assume the worst about others. Thus, their view of reality – and people – may be somewhat distorted, altered by the painful experience of being left behind.

But what if there is no medical diagnosis for these issues? What if the person’s sense of reality just seems to be completely “out there?” Is that really a thing? How does it happen and is it an indication of mental illness? Probably, but it may never be diagnosed, let alone treated.

In my opinion, someone with a warped sense of reality also seems to be absent any sort of empathy or understanding, instead feeling like the world revolves around them.

It’s possible they’re unaware of their own character, feelings, motives, and desires, each of which helps to define who we are, and has a great influence on how we perceive and cope with the world around us. If you’re unable to see your own attributes, good and bad, then your sense of reality might be drastically altered as well, especially if you have no support system.

Someone like that might seem incredibly self-centered, narcissistic, or even paranoid and probably suffers from a strong persecution complex. It’s doubtful they even know that their behavior hurts those around them, damaging relationships, and even reinforcing abandonment issues because they push people away.

I’ve dealt with people like this, on some level, all my life. Most are completely unaware of their behavior or lack of awareness. At times some exhibit symptoms of bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and even factitious disorder (what they used to call Munchhausen syndrome) because they often fake or inflict illness to get attention.

Again, we are tiptoeing around various levels of mental illness and I reemphasize that I am not a psychologist. These are simply my personal observations based on some education and limited experience. Mental healthcare is incredibly lacking in the United States, horribly curtailed by ignorance, stigma, and decades-old misinformation.

So, if someone you know is exhibiting these behaviors, please discuss it with someone close to them or seek out a mental health professional to help. Your doctor, local behavioral health agency, or public health department can help find the right resource.

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