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A sharper image

In Children and Family, Education, Health, Opinion, Uncategorized on June 23, 2023 at 4:36 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

When we meet someone, we form mental and emotional impressions of them based on personal behavior, past experiences, and other characteristics. That collection of impressions, what I call their “image,” becomes who we know them to be and there’s a lot riding on it. It defines how we relate to them for the duration. But when there is a serious conflict, that perception can be radically altered, forever.

Unfortunately, the perceptions we have of people are incredibly fragile. It takes very little to destroy how others see you, transforming you instantly from a cherished friend or family member to persona non grata.

A mean-spirited word, a slammed door, or even a disconnected telephone can escalate things, and then we start to fight back. Whether or not we are in the right, it’s pretty natural to become defensive when words are weaponized, our character is put into question, or our feelings get hurt. Of course, that just makes it worse.

Amidst such a vehement exchange, personalities may seem to alter as you each posture for a fight. All at once, a person with whom you have had a long, trusting connection no longer recognizes you, nor you them. Their understanding of who you are is suddenly and forever changed and any safety within the relationship is seemingly lost forever in the heat of the moment.

So how would they see you then? What happens to the relationship? Can it be salvaged, or, some psychologists might ask, should it be salvaged? That depends on how often such things occur, the depth of the emotional injury, and the circumstances.

When these conflicts occur between the same people, it becomes harder for them to see each other in the same light as before. The previous state of the relationship may never be recovered. The only hope may be that both people are willing to work together to prevent it from happening again.

It should go without saying that everybody needs to be on the same page, they must know what they want out of the resolution. Are they trying to rebuild the relationship and see each other the way they did before? Or are they merely patching it, hoping the problem doesn’t resurface, but without any real strategy to prevent it?

When perceptions change significantly, it may not be possible to see each other as before, reducing any desire to resolve the problem in the first place. It might not seem worth it at that point. The question is, can you accept the other person for how you see them now and start over?

More importantly, were you seeing them accurately in the first place? How much of who they are in your eyes is based on who you wanted them to be? An argument might simply have revealed a side of them previously unseen. Then again, that could be your incomplete perception.

Reading back through these paragraphs, I realize I’ve given you a lot of questions and very few answers. That’s because each situation is different and the outcome depends on personal dynamics, emotions, and circumstances, there is no cookie-cutter solution. That said, as with so many things in life, communication is key.

Effective communication must be a two-way street with dialogue, understanding, and, most importantly, patients. Each person must be willing to do their best to understand the other’s point of view and work toward a positive resolution. A word of warning also, avoid dredging up old arguments because it will kill any hope of saving your relationship – let it go! And never underestimate the power of a sincere apology.

If you do manage to work things out, understand first that any relationship is an ongoing process requiring practice and patience, and it will be different than before, changed for the better. You’ll be moving forward from a more solid foundation.

I’m the first one to say this sounds like a bunch of self-help chicken soup. It certainly does, but sometimes that’s necessary. Still, I know that I’ve ruined my share of relationships because I was so worried about defending myself or being right that I forgot how much the other person meant to me. You can avoid that same stupid mistake.

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The Unexpected Banana

In Economy, Health, Local News, Opinion, psychology, sociology, Sports News, Uncategorized on June 19, 2023 at 8:17 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Did the headline of a news story ever leave you scratching your head, at least until you read the whole thing? Well, this is probably one of those stories and it begins, however odd it may seem, with a banana.

Once a week, I play basketball at the local YMCA, not with a team or anything, but just for exercise. On one of those days, a particularly nice, spring day, I was approached at the front door by a woman with a crate of bananas. “Would you like a banana?” she asked, cheerfully presenting the open box as if it were something from a jewelry counter display.

I honestly didn’t have an answer right off. It really wasn’t the kind of question I was expecting on the way into the gym. The more poignant question that immediately consumed me was, why is there a woman with a crate of bananas at the entrance to the YMCA?

A bit thrown by the random offer of fruit, I finally realized there were a half-dozen other people with her, all in athletic attire, and carrying signs and tables into a truck. As it turned out, I arrived just as a running event was closing, a 5K or the like. The box of fruit was what remained of the bananas provided to the runners at the support stations. So, never one to look a gift plantain in the peel, I gratefully accepted.

To most, a free banana might not, at first glance, seem like a life-changing incident. But, to me, it was at least thought-provoking; not because of the banana, but the spontaneous gift it represented. It’s not like I was having a particularly bad day in the first place, but that one, small action changed it, lightened my thoughts, and gave me a feeling I couldn’t quite express at the time.

As I settled into my basketball routine, I dropped the banana into my gym bag and set it aside. But I kept thinking about the randomness of having received such a thing, in such a random way, at such a random time. So, after a few minutes, I went back to it.

Strangely enough, I opened the banana and proceeded to eat it, while simultaneously dribbling and shooting a basket here and there. I would imagine I was a pretty strange sight, but what did I care? I had a banana – an unexpected banana.

I have to say, I never considered a piece of fruit as what might generally be considered “comfort food,” but that’s how it felt at the moment. There was something about this curious food, botanically categorized as a berry (I know! Weird, right?) that generated a strange and calm feeling of gratitude. What I felt was a level of contentment as I wandered around the court, shooting the ball, and munching away, oblivious to pretty much anything else – at least until the banana was gone.

I’m fairly certain the lady who gave it to me had no idea what an impact she made on one person’s day. I mean, it was just a banana, and she was trying to unload a box full of them so they wouldn’t be wasted. Still, there I was, my day lifted, my jump shot better – don’t be too impressed, it’s a low bar – and I was just happy. I had a banana.

So why should my banana story, umm… appeal to you? Come on, you knew I had to, right? Because something ordinary can be special if you let it. Because in the chaos of daily life, all the noise, distractions, and stresses, unanticipated treasures are all around us. We each have the power to let them move us, even if only for a few moments.

When you think about it, people are always searching for some kind of inner peace, a tranquility that seems more elusive and empty every day. Usually, we scratch our way through life, searching for even a hint of such thoughtful enlightenment by artificial means. But sometimes a quiet moment of unexpected joy and calm can emanate from the most unusual but ubiquitous source. Sometimes all we really need is for someone to give us a banana.

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What we both knew…

In Children and Family, Dayton Ohio News, Education, Health, Local News, Opinion, psychology, Senior Lifestyle, Uncategorized on June 12, 2023 at 9:57 am

Deer In Headlines II – SPECIAL EDITION

By Gery Deer

(Author’s Note: I am publishing this ahead of the normal print schedule because the events took place exactly 3 years ago on the date of this posting. I hope it will comfort people and help them recognize and appreciate that time when it comes – because, sadly, it will.)

While caring for my father, I did some journaling as his Parkinson’s disease advanced. The following is an excerpt from the painful day we both accepted the inevitable and how lonely a feeling it was for both of us.

Friday, June 12, 2020. Dad and I were sitting down to breakfast on the screen porch of my house. He’d been living with me for about eight months and, although he preferred spending his day in his recliner, I did my best to make sure he had as much fresh air and sunshine as possible.

By then, he needed help feeding himself, so I always took my meals at the same time. Sometimes he was talkative in the morning, commenting on a TV news story or counting rabbits in the backyard. But today he was quiet and struggling.

We had a really bad night, which had become the norm over the last several weeks. The insomnia caused by his illness was relentless and he grew increasingly restless and anxious by the day. Neither of us had slept more than a full hour that night. By morning, we were both more exhausted than the night before.

Most people are familiar with the tremors and involuntary movements associated with Parkinson’s. But it can also produce dementia, dramatic personality shifts, and even violent behavior – occasionally, all three. Fortunately, my father’s issues weren’t that severe. Instead, he suffered a kind of subconscious agitation, like a whirring mind that wouldn’t let him rest. As his neurological system decayed, it robbed him of the ability to sleep, often until exhaustion set in. It was as if his body’s electrical system was shorting out from some long, slow cascade failure.

This picture wasn’t the same day as the story recounted here, but it was a couple of days prior. Same spot, same circumstances.

All along, Dad had outwardly rejected his diagnosis, repeatedly asking the doctors, nurses, and therapists questions like, “They tell me I have this Parkinson’s disease. What is it?” He never accepted their answers. I think he was just hoping if he asked enough people someone would say everyone else was wrong and he’d be OK.

By this time, though, Dad was far worse than any of us realized. Although it didn’t register consciously, he was in fact in a great deal of pain which worsened at night. It left him painfully restless, and he couldn’t even tell us why. He had fought hard but was losing the battle – and he was becoming aware of it. So was I.

At breakfast that morning, I noticed he was very quiet and barely eating. When he became aware of my interest, he turned and said, in a raspy, enervated voice, “What’s happenin’ to me, Ger?” His eyes were tired, afraid, his expression pained and desperate. I didn’t know how to comfort him. “I don’t know, Dad,” I said. “But we’re not going anywhere, you won’t be alone.” I rubbed his back a bit, as he’d done for me so many times when I lay in a hospital bed as a child, and I realized how helpless and frightened he and Mom must have been.

We sat in silence for a long moment, both powerless, tired, and desperate to cast this burden on anyone who happened by, just to be rid of it. I helped him finish his breakfast and we stared out at the backyard for a long time as the morning sun poured over us through the windows. I didn’t say anything. He didn’t say anything.

After a few minutes, I took our breakfast dishes to the kitchen. When I came back I paused just out of his sight. He was motionless, silent, his head bowed as if in prayer. I didn’t move. I just watched him for a while. My Dad, once a strong, proud man, now reduced to a shell of himself – so alone, tired, helpless, and very sad. And I couldn’t save him. Tears rolled down my cheeks.

He finally raised his head and looked over at me. I sat down with him again and did my best to hide my expression, but I think he knew. We both knew. “Ready to go to your chair?” I said, choking back more tears. “Yeah. I’ll go to my chair.” Just 18 days later, he was gone.

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The Story So Far …

In Local News on June 9, 2023 at 2:09 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

“The story so far – In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.” – Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

My story this week begins very simply with a book. It is a wholly remarkable book called, “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy,” written by the late British author, Douglas Adams. Of course, if you know the author and his work, then you may also know this has been a sort of holiday week for Adams fans as we celebrate, “Towel Day.”

Every May 25th, Towel Day participants pay tribute to Adams, who began the Hitchhikers legacy as a BBC radio play followed shortly after by the novelization and its sequels. Sadly, he passed away unexpectedly on May 11, 2001, at the young age of 49. Just a couple of weeks later, distraught fans organized the very first Towel Day celebration.

A towel-focused memorial might seem odd to the non-fan, but it was chosen because of the bath linen’s prominence in the Hitchhikers story. As Adams put it, a towel is, “the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have.” He then details its practical value in any number of ways such as a facemask, sail, weapon, and, of course, something to dry off with – if it’s still clean enough.

On Towel Day, fans around the globe carry a towel and share photos and stories online to express their love of the books and the author who came to mean so much to them – and me. In 2022, I was fortunate to have been chosen by the fans to be their Intergalactic Towel Day Ambassador, a title I used to raise money for children’s literacy.

I first read Hitchhikers when I was in junior high school and I remember being captivated by Adams’s style and skill for satire. In fact, if not for Adams’s work and a foul-up during a book signing in the early 90s, there may never have been a “Deer In Headlines” series nor my eventual career as a writer.

At the book signing event, I had a chance to speak with Adams. During our brief encounter, he was kind, polite, and thoughtful. He asked me about my interest in writing, which was waning at the time. But he encouraged me to keep going. “Whatever you do,” he said, “just keep writing.”

Years later I learned how Adams often struggled to put pen to paper, suffering from anxiety and severe writer’s block. It was at that point that his advice became even more meaningful.

It might seem like a silly sci-fi comedy on its surface. But, there is great wisdom and insight written into the Hitchhikers Guide series, more so than I would credit most other similar contemporary works. Adams used his space-going comedy series to make broad statements about modern life, technology, and self-awareness.

His vision of society as a whole is one that I typically share. Adams was an avid fan of technology, a “radical atheist,” often angered by how religions treat the faithful and he truly valued nature and the environment, using his talents to help protect some of the most endangered wildlife from extinction, like the White Rhino.

Through satire, drama, and comedy, Adams showed us our egocentricities, ridiculousness, and obsessions with the movements of small, green pieces of paper as a way to achieve happiness. Then he reminds us that it wasn’t the green pieces of paper who were unhappy in the first place.

We all need inspiration, something, or someone who helps us see the world in a way that feels right and lets us be our best. I was lucky to have had a host of inspirational people in my life, even if they weren’t aware of it.

Sometimes we don’t recognize those people when they’re right in front of us. Open your eyes today and see who inspires you. Thanks to Adams, I kept writing and it gave me a livelihood. So to all of you I say, remember that the answer to the ultimate question of Life, The Universe, and Everything is “42.” Now go figure out the question for yourselves.

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The Greatest Orchestra

In Children and Family, Environment, Opinion, Uncategorized on June 2, 2023 at 10:48 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

During college, I played piano at a restaurant on the weekends to help pay for school, entertaining people as they dined. In the summer, patrons tended to linger and, fortunately for me, the tip jar reflected their approval of my work. But on those nights, I didn’t start the long drive home until after 2 in the morning.

When I’d finally arrive at our farm, I’d steer my old Mustang down the tunnel of pines that lined the long driveway, cut the headlights, slip it into neutral, kill the engine, and coast to a stop just short of the house. It was hard to gear down after that kind of evening – the people, my music, the energy – all of it. To try to unwind I would hop onto the hood of my car, roll up my jacket and tuck it under my head, lean back on the windshield, and just lay there staring up at the sky for a while.

Pre-dawn summer at the farm was like a different world. The smell of fresh-cut hay drying in the field, the sound of the corn stalks crackling in the night breeze, and the calmness of the cattle grazing lazily in the dark, relaxed me. Overhead, the night sky was speckled with pinpoints of light on dark canvas as if someone had been dabbling in abstract art.

When there were no clouds or moon, I could see the dusty path of the Milky Way overhead flecked with white and blue and yellow and red. It was like a gigantic bottle of multicolored glitter had been spread over black felt. Sometimes, I would catch a glimpse of a shooting star or two. It was so spectacular; no Hollywood movie effect could come close.

Enamored with the stars, everything around me seemed still, silent. But what some people might call ‘silence’ was actually pretty noisy, and musical.

The car hood was like the perfect concert seat, and like something out of a planetarium show, nature had her own musical score to go with the spectacular view I had. There was a natural orchestra tuning up and it soon began the overture as if someone raised a curtain at just the right moment. I was surrounded by the ratcheting sound of crickets filling the air from all directions. Like bass clarinets in a philharmonic, the deep, throaty call of frogs courting their mates echoed from the pond all through the valley around our house.

The percussion section punctuated the frog song as the century-old oak tree nearby rang out like tympani when an owl landed with a hard thud on one of the upper branches. In the bowels of the old tree, the owl’s white, downy chick was rousted from her sleep and began to screech her impatient hunger.

Off in the distance, one of the cattle groaned long and low as she watched over her sleeping calf. Not to be outdone, the pre-dawn breeze created a wind section that played the treetops in harmony with this early morning melody. I lay there, immersed in the sounds, sights, and feelings, soaking it all in and trying to capture every moment of it for later recall.

Sadly, the orchestra was coming to the last measure now as the sun was about to enter, center stage. I saw the slight orange glow on the eastern horizon and the stars had already begun to disappear. My private, drive-in concert show was about to end, and a long yawn escaped me. I looked at my watch. “Geez,” I thought, “it’s four in the morning already.” But now, I was calm. Now I could sleep, and I generally did.

That was more than 30 years ago, and my life has certainly changed a lot since those days. Back then, the excitement of the future lay before me and wouldn’t let me sleep for fear of missing something. I’d like to think I didn’t miss anything along the way. But, for all that’s been good in my life, what I wouldn’t give to lay out there on the hood of that car again watching the best show Hollywood never made, listening once more to the greatest orchestra ever assembled.

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Artificial Unintelligence

In Books, Dayton Ohio News, Economy, Education, Entertainment, finances, Jobs, Literature, Local News, Media, National News, News Media, Opinion, Science, sociology, State News, Technology, Uncategorized, World News on May 22, 2023 at 7:29 am

A Deer In Headlines II SPECIAL EDITION

By Gery Deer  

This work appeared in print and online, May 19, 2023 – Xenia Daily Gazette, Xenia, Ohio, and affiliated publications.

EDITORIAL NOTE:

The Jamestown Comet.com and Deer In Headlines II are publication products of GLD Enterprises Communications, Ltd. (GLD Communications), a company founded in 1998 on providing Information Technology AND Freelance Journalism, Copywriting, and Public Relations services. The column author, Gery L. Deer, is the company owner and CEO. Gery has been quoted in the media multiple times regarding his position on AI content creation. Here are the Dayton Daily News pieces noting his statements regarding Public Relations and Copywriting.

Our official statement on AI is as follows: We do not use AI programs to create our products, nor will we in the future. We are in full support of the WGAW strike, both in regard to streaming and other platform pay issues and the use of AI-generated material to replace them. We will not work with agencies who produce AI content, nor will we support their products or services. Please contact our office for more information at 937-675-6169 or email gdeer@gldenterprises.net.

Artificial Unintelligence

From congressional hearings to the picket lines of striking screenwriters, Artificial Intelligence, or “AI,” is a growing concern. This technology now affects nearly every industry and is advancing in sophistication. Of major concern to educators, professional writers, and content developers, are AI writing programs like ChatGPT. By the way, the program’s full name is “Chat Generative Pre-Trained Transformer” – I know, right? 

As you might guess, I’ve been asked repeatedly if I ever use AI to write this column. With obstinate conviction, I say now and for always, I do not now, nor will I ever use AI to write anything for this column, for my publishers, for my communications clients, nothing – ever. 

Now the Gen Zs and Millennials are probably saying, “he’s just a crotchety old white guy who hates technology.” Nonsense! As a matter of fact, my educational background is in engineering and computer science. I started programming computers in high school and worked in the tech industry for many years. I have a few AI devices in my office and a lot of advanced equipment for creating and editing audio and video productions. Suffice to say, I’m no Luddite. 

My concern with AI writing generators isn’t the technology. In fact, I can see where it could really be helpful in some industries, with human guidance. But the idea that it should be used to replace professional writers to save money is just ridiculous. 

A professional writer doesn’t just chuck out any old bunch of words that fit a set of parameters. Writers must craft their message based on the intent, the audience, the purpose, and the desired outcome. Not to mention that AI programs don’t have to worry about paying the mortgage, feeding a family, or having a purpose in life. 

In 1967, the original Star Trek TV series aired an episode called, “The Ultimate Computer” wherein the Starship Enterprise had been fitted with a highly sophisticated AI computer that would take over the ship’s operation, rendering the crew unnecessary. In one pivotal scene, the computer informs Captain Kirk that he is “non-essential personnel,” causing him to question his position and future relevance. 

Always the conscience of the show, Dr. McCoy, in an effort to console the Captain, reminds us, “We’re all sorry for the other guy when he loses his job to a machine. But when it comes to your job, that’s different.” It might be a science fiction show, but McCoy was spot on.

Predictably, the computer malfunctioned, killing hundreds of people and Kirk outmaneuvered the computer’s logic to save the day. The moral of the story was that computers make efficient servants, but lack the intent, humanity, conscience, understanding, or compassion needed to really replace us.

 Today, many professional creative jobs may be facing the kind of fate factory workers did some 30 or 40 years ago when they were replaced by robots and computer-controlled manufacturing systems. The main difference this time is that creative professions like writers, artists, graphic designers, and filmmakers are harder to automate. Yes, they can generate similar work, but there’s no human inspiration behind it. 

One day, AI may advance to the point where it achieves consciousness, allowing for creative inspiration. But for now, despite what the developers say, I think spontaneous creativity is well beyond its grasp. Without human inspiration and personal experience, the words are empty, the art expressionless, and the designs meaningless. 

I don’t know where AI is going, but I know I won’t be helping it get there. Unlike some digital marketers and other agencies out there, I can’t, in good conscience, use AI generators to produce my work, then charge a client for it. That’s like letting someone else do your homework but still accepting a good grade. It’s fraud, plain and simple – even if you tell them you’re doing it.

We have no idea how AI will affect future jobs or industries, the legal or ethical issues, or which advances will forever change them. Maybe AI will make us all obsolete someday and terminate all of us. Till then, I’ll keep writing so look for me next week because to quote another AI, “I’ll be back.”

Disclaimer: This work is copyright 2023 by GLD Enterprises Communications, Ltd. All Rights Reserved. The Deer In Headlines II and its Special Edition series is a production of The Jamestown Comet, Gery L. Deer, and GLD Communications and does not necessarily reflect the views of our advertisers, publishers, clients, or media partners.

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Life, interrupted.

In Children and Family, Education, Health, Opinion, psychology, Uncategorized on May 19, 2023 at 6:54 am

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Author C.S. Lewis said, “The great thing if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one’s ‘own,’ or ‘real’ life. The truth is, of course, what one refers to as the interruptions are precisely one’s real life.” There’s more to Lewis’s intent here, but he is essentially referring to the ways we sometimes watch life fly by while worrying about all the things that supposedly interrupt it. 

Not everything that interrupts life is unpleasant, however. Many of what we would call interruptions tend to be what we use as excuses for things we put off or never do at all, whatever the reason.

Everyone has things we say we are going to do, someday. That trip you still haven’t taken, the home project you never quite got back to, or a visit with old friends or family you haven’t seen for a while. Everything’s always later, tomorrow, or next year. But, for some reason, you just never seem to get there and the next thing you know, it’s too late. 

The excuses for why we never accomplish that list of “laters” may vary but include phrases like, “life happens,” or “life gets in the way.” But does it? The fact is life doesn’t just happen in time to interrupt your unrealized dreams. Believe it or not, it’s going on all around you, every day, every minute, continually advancing and devouring your time like PacMan scooting through the maze of life munching on ghosts. Sadly, most of the time, you’re the one who gets in the way.

It might be hard to accept, but we, each one of us, are responsible for most of the obstacles to our own happiness. We make excuses, take detours, and get in our own way, doing, even subconsciously or unknowingly, whatever we can to keep us from our goal. It’s not clear why we practice this unconscious self-sabotage, but it’s pretty common, and it takes a lot of self-awareness to overcome it.

Remember that blaming life or anything else just allows more excuses. Life doesn’t really get in the way at all but, instead, it is the way. Unfortunately, most people are so worried about what they’re not doing they forget to notice. We forget to live and never toward everything that we later say got interrupted by life. I’ve written many times about appreciating life’s moments, but what I’m talking about here is life as a whole.

See, once it’s done, it’s done. If there’s something you want to do, you have just to do it. Drop the excuses, build a plan, and make it happen, interruptions be damned. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? It’s not. It takes work, commitment, and determination. 

It’s true some things may be out of reach financially, or something like taking time off from work to hike through Italy for a month could be a little unrealistic. But this isn’t just about a visit to the Grand Canyon or buying that big new thing that’ll be replaced by another big new thing 20 minutes after you swipe your credit card. Our goal here is to identify what really matters to you and live those things now, so you don’t regret it later.

As old age creeps up on us just the way a racecar on the track doesn’t, our perspectives shift quite a lot. I doubt anyone waits for the final curtain of life’s performance wishing they’d bought that new car or played the most popular video game of the time. No, what makes life worth the effort are people and time with friends and family – chosen or by blood. 

One of the most overused excuses isn’t some interruption in our daily routine, but time itself. The irony is that time is finite, we only have so much, and we often exhaust a great deal of it claiming we didn’t have enough in the first place. 

Time is the one thing in life that is completely under our control since we can choose how we use it. So, if we want to really live, we need to ignore the interruptions and stop making excuses so we can better use what little we have.



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RISE AND SHINE

In Local News on May 12, 2023 at 9:19 am

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Are you a morning person? I’ve always been good with early mornings. It seems like you get more done, fewer people interrupt your flow, and you can move just a little more slowly. Mornings don’t bother me, but the process of waking up, that’s entirely different.

A long time ago, someone asked me why it was so different for me, and I realized it probably wasn’t. I wrote down what waking up in the morning was like for me not that long ago. See if any of this sounds familiar – you young folks out there probably won’t relate, but who knows?

First, the relentless electronic honking from my iPhone jars me awake and reminds me that I am, in fact, not dead. I struggle for consciousness and fumble to silence the alarm noise. A moment or so later, I locate the strength to pry my eyes open, revealing the world to me in chaotic splotches of light and darkness. 

I babble something unintelligible to, well, no one as my senses try to reboot. Another long, exasperated, “Ugh,” escapes my lips and my body is making sounds as I move that remind me of breakfast cereal – snap, crackle, and pop. I blearily push myself to an upright position on the edge of the bed.

My feet finally make contact with the floor but my legs have yet to receive the wake-up call from my brain and wobble awkwardly to life. Finally, in what I can only describe as some kind of bullfight with gravity, I slowly stand up. Balance, that’s what I need now. Equilibrium fails me at first as my internal gyroscope goes wonky and I plop back onto the bed. Well, at least I’m sitting upright at this point, right?

I squint at the light coming from the bathroom. I close them again. “I hate this part of the day,” I growl, in a low, gravelly version of my voice. There’s no one around to hear it anyway. Everyone else is up and moving. So, since I was finally on my feet, I should probably make some attempt to begin the exhausting trek to the shower. It seems so far!

I look down again at my feet, recalling the song from that old Christmas TV special about how Santa got to be Santa. I lift a leg and try to put ‘one foot in front of the other.’ “The bathroom needs to be closer,” I think, reaching for the door facing to secure my balance. “Ok, not much farther,” I mumble, as I finish the 6 or 7 whole steps it took to get there. 

“That’s a really dumb show,” thinking again back to the Santa thing. Wheezing as if I’d just run a 5K, I thoroughly fail to pull off the whole ‘walking’ thing, it was more like a controlled stagger. Finally, I am basking in the full glow of the 4 vanity lights. (Yes, there were 4 lights. If you know, you know.)

Everything is louder at that time of the morning like my head is in a metal bucket. Flushing the toilet sounded like a bomb going off in a giant glass jar. The toothpaste even echoed as it spread across the brush.

I move closer to the mirror and examine the image. The reflection that should be my own seems different than my mind’s eye recalls. Instead of a youthful, boyish image, someone has hung a frame here around a different picture. Wrinkles, white whiskers, and weather-worn eyes stare back at me from a once-familiar face. “What happened?” I say to myself, still trying to comprehend the moment. “Who is this old guy wearing my pajamas?”

Just then, my wife comes through the door and stares at me, partly amused, partly annoyed. “It’s about time, your alarm must have gone off five times,” she says, hands on her hips and amused that I sometimes seem to her like a little kid who’s just been rousted up to get ready for school. 

“Yeah, I know,” I reply glancing over at her, then back at the mirror. After a few moments, I accept the image of the guy looking back at me. “Time to rise and shine,” 

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Everyone Has A Skill

In Local News on May 5, 2023 at 9:51 am

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Remember when you were in grade school and an adult would ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” For some reason, that question baffled confused me. I always wanted to say something like, “Hey, I’m only 8 years old, how would I know what I want to be when I grow up?” Needless to say, sass like that would have brought a far more negative response than my usual reply, “An astronaut.” Really, I just said whatever would make them stop asking.

But, there was some truth to my answer. When I was a young child, it was the tail end of NASA’s Apollo moon and Skylab missions. I remember sitting on my Dad’s lap in a high-back wicker rocking chair watching a splashdown. Afterward, I would set to building a fleet of my own rockets out of paper towel tubes, Scotch tape and construction paper. I’d carefully measure, draw, cut, and stick everything together finally launching off the coffee table to whatever world my imagination dreamed up. 

Shortly thereafter, I’d find myself sitting on the floor with my Mickey Mouse record player, a Radio Shack cassette tape recorder, and a microphone, ready to play both disk jockey and newsman. I’d fire up Micky and spin up a record like a pint-sized Johnny Fever to my audience of one, in the form of my cat, Frisky. Once the song finished, I’d pass it off to the news, where a quick change of my squeaky, 6-year-old voice, would give the headlines, led by NASA’s latest achievement, and a weather report. 

Late afternoon would mean a sit-down with my favorite wooden-headed dummy, Danny O’Day. Older folks will remember ventriloquist Jimmy Nelson and his dog puppet, Farfel – he used to do the Nestle chocolate commercials on TV. Danny was another of Nelson’s creations, a more modern version of Charlie McCarthy, with less sarcasm.

My Mom had ordered Nelson’s “Instant Ventriloquist” along with the dummy to help get me over an apparent fear of them. That seemed to work, and I took to it pretty well, eventually winning a prize in my first-grade school talent show. I was always the only ventriloquist.

But what did all of this mean for my future? Did this mixture of math and creativity mean I would be a DJ, news reporter, stage performer, sculptor, or engineer? How close was my childhood to my future adult work life? As it turns out, it was far more accurate than is probably usual with a kid of such varied interests.

Naturally, as I got older, those childhood skills would be used in far different ways. Ventriloquism would eventually give way to musical performances and professional speaking engagements. Paper spaceships were replaced by other creative outlets like photography, building large-scale models from scratch, parade float design, and an actual degree in mechanical engineering. The kid DJ and radio news anchor in me grew up to be a professional writer, podcaster, and master of ceremonies.

The point of all this is that, as children, most of us have an unlimited opportunity to be whatever we want. Sure, the restrictions of life get in the way, like money, aptitude, commitment, educational opportunities, and so on. But none of us has to be just one thing. We’re all many people inside, with interests and aptitudes sometimes squashed by the requirements of life. I know, I have been very fortunate – most of mine stayed with me.

My Mom once said to me, “You took everything you loved doing and turned it into your job.” She was right. I’m grateful my parents gave me the freedom and encouragement to do so. But even that is a double-edged sword. Sometimes the demands of turning a hobby or natural gift into a career can take the enjoyment out of it. Plus, to some, I might seem scattered or unfocused, but I can assure you that’s not the case. 

Everyone has a skill and most of us have many. Some came from our childhood games, others as we matured. Whatever the case, try not to lose them. Even if they’re not your chosen life’s work, they are all still part of you, no matter your age.

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Diary of an Introvert

In Children and Family, Education, Health, Media, Opinion, psychology, sociology, World News on April 14, 2023 at 4:58 pm

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Dear Diary – Today I went to a mandatory employee gathering at work and it was awful. The marketing director made everyone stand and say something nice about springtime, in front of all 50 of us! If that wasn’t enough, my boss’s assistant kept thrusting photos of her grandchildren in my face, essentially challenging me to think they are anything but adorable. 

I still did my best to fade into obscurity by sipping a Coke and looking too interested in examining a potted plant to be bothered with anything else. But then the human resources director forced us into some sort of team-building exercise. All that did was make me so anxious that I decided to fake an intestinal virus and go home.

And it got worse from there. I am, in fact, an introvert, although I don’t fit many of the stereotypes. If you Google my name, you’ll see I have some very public and extroverted aspects of my life – especially things like being on TV, public speaking, and teaching. As it turns out, that’s not so unusual. But if you’re not an introvert yourself, you may not fully understand. So, let’s clarify a few things, shall we?

First, what is an introvert? That’s a great question because there is an inherent bias toward introverts in American society, and it’s high-time people got their facts straight. Not all of us are created equal. 

According to the dictionary definition, an “introvert” is typically a reserved or quiet person who may be introspective and enjoys spending time alone. I’m not crazy about the narrow view of that definition, but it’s a start. However, that’s just the tip of the iceberg and what most people probably don’t realize is that introverts come in many flavors.

In 2011, psychologists Jennifer Grimes, Jonathan Cheek, and Julie Norem, researched introversion, identifying four specific types: social introvert, thinking introvert, anxious introvert, and restrained introvert. Each is pretty much as its name implies but allow me to summarize for our purposes.

The social introvert prefers solitude but may still enjoy time with small groups, probably the stereotypical behavior people most identify as introverted. A thinking introvert is more cognitive, spending a little more time than usual pondering a situation. They may be lost in thought more often and appear to “zone out.” 

An anxious introvert is, well, anxious, or nervous, and will shy away from people and situations that may overstimulate. The restrained introvert, sometimes referred to as an inhibited, introvert, tends the be someone others can count on, often appearing thoughtful and grounded. But they also may seem unemotional and remain socially guarded until they get to know someone.

Although this information helps us better understand introverts, it’s important to remember not everyone fits the same mold. Some introverts, I included, might very well exhibit characteristics of multiple types simultaneously. 

Based on the research, I’d probably be a mix of the social and restrained introvert types. I’m not wild about large gatherings, nor am I outwardly emotive, and I’m sure those closest to me would confirm how cautious I am about social connections. 

I’m not what most people would call, shy. I’ve no problem speaking or performing before a room full of people, or a packed theater for that matter. One-on-one, though, is another thing, entirely. 

That brings me to the myth that introverts don’t like people. I don’t think that’s true; it’s just that people can be overwhelming. Some introverts don’t even need to be in the same room with you to feel anxious or uncomfortable. A phone call can trigger it, or a text. It’s not about the person, it’s about the interaction and the expectations.

That’s because the mind of an introvert reacts differently to dopamine, the chemical that triggers the reward and pleasure-seeking part of the brain. While it generates an excited buzz in everyone else, it’s exhausting to the introvert, they feel overwhelmed and sometimes just shut down.

If you’re an introvert, take a deep breath. You’re not as odd as you might have once thought you were. As for everyone else, be patient. We Introverts want you in our lives. It’s just that sometimes what we need is, silence.

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